Komma

I felt really bad at the end of July, and I can at least say that at present I feel better than that. But the roots of the problem are still there. What I worry about is feeling isolated. How can I expect to come out of my shell when, like a tortoise, it's growing thicker every day? I think that a key to both a fulfilling life and financial success is making and maintaining real connections with people. That's something I have continued to struggle with in my thirties. I feel like I don't know how to make myself seen. I have trouble "vibing" with people as an activity. I get hung up on little problems. It's hard to start conversations outside of just, you know, posting things on a website and hoping any of the right people respond.

I sometimes feel like I've been trained not to speak by everybody in my life who complains about people who talk too much. Maybe this is just the way my brain's wired! But on the other hand, there's a psychological strain to being surrounded by Republicans in a small town that I feel like I will never be able to leave. The tortoise shell is armor. It keeps me safe. I fear being disliked. I don't want to learn the ugly side of the people who seem to accept me.

And of course when I actually do spend time with people online, I end up staying awake until four in the morning because of time zones. Whoops!