This just happened like 2 minutes ago.
I was on public transit by myself. Fairly crowded train, but not packed.
A homeless guy shows up, which is common. Long beard, long hair, bottle of booze (possibly...?) in his hand, pants falling down, ass out, the whole nine yards.
The homeless guy isn't doing anything wrong, just asking for help publicly among strangers. He does it in one general announcement, to no one in particular.
Nobody responds at first. Again, this is common.
When it comes to homeless folks my instincts usually pick 1 of 2 lanes: give money or don't interact at all. I pick one and stick with it. If I had to look back on my record, I probably give money more often to homeless people who are quiet, or just have a sign, or are sitting stationary on a sidewalk. I give money to homeless folks I pass fairly often, but when they try to make conversation, I freeze up. That's not a defense of me at all, just context.
Today, I pick "don't interact." I don't make eye contact. Most people on this train seem to choose the same approach. This, too, is common. All things considered the guy seems really friendly.
A lady behind me, traveling alone, breaks the silence: "Hey, how's it going, man?"
They make small talk together. He says he lost his pack of cigarettes.
"Oh no, that super sucks," she says with a voice of genuine sympathy.
They get a few sentences further into small talk. She asks where he's headed. When he responds, she says "Really? I heard there's a lot of police there. Be careful."
Before they continue, she says "You can sit down if you'd like." I assume she means next to her. I wouldn't know where she was gesturing, because I'm one of those assholes pretending to listen to music and not looking.
The man seems interested in sitting with her, because someone in this city is finally giving him patience, respect, and a space to exist.
Before he can sit, police board the train. They say, and I shit you not: "You again??" They escort the man off the train. This was not his stop, he was 2 stops away from where he wanted to go.
Silence.
The next stop is mine. I happen to know it's also the lady's, because she said it.
I'm embarrassed. Why couldn't I just make eye contact with that guy like they were anyone else? Given a smile? Gave a dollar? Or I could've made eye contact with the lady at least, made sure she was doing okay, let her know she had some backup if she needed it.
I'm aware of how I look: millennial white dude, beard, glasses, wireless headphones, glued to his phone, athleisure. Not a good look.
I glance at the lady. She's around my age, maybe in her late 20's.
God she probably thinks I'm an asshole.
We both step off. Part of me wants to say something. Nothing dramatic, just like, "Hey. I like how you made small talk with the guy back there, that was really kind of you. I always freeze up, but I'm gonna keep in mind what you said for next time. Have a good one, see ya."
I don't say anything because she probably hates my guts (that's me projecting.)
We walk side by side because we're going in the same direction.
She, extremely slightly, accidentally bumps into me and steps on my shoe. She stops to turn to me, make eye contact, and apologize sincerely.
I say "no problem" but nothing else. We're still walking side by side. Now I feel even worse. I'm rando number 23 on the train, who didn't do anything and pretended to listen to music, and she's still making the effort to apologize?
We walk up the stairs. We walk to the gate. I really wanna say something, to let her know that she did an act of kindness and acted like a good neighbor, a good person.
I don't say anything. We go opposite ways.
Everything I wrote above runs through my mind. It's not fair. People shouldn't do kind things to be congratulated for them, and yet...wouldn't it make the world a less bleak place to have at least 1 person acknowledge that you did the right thing? So that it wasn't all for nothing?
I turn around and try to see where she went. If I happen to see her, I'll tell her. I don't find her.
On the short walk to look around, I pass 6 more homeless people. Maybe 7. Some are busking with instruments. Some sit on the ground with McDonalds bags. I don't help them either. I make excuses in my mind: I'm low on cash, I'm low on time. If I help one, I won't be able to help the rest who are standing nearby.
I give up, and move on.
No twist, no moral, just something I wanted to share. Something I'll be thinking about the next time I'm on the train. I need to remind myself there are more things I can do for a fellow human than just "give money" or "ignore." I know, even now, I'm not gonna get it right every time. But I've got to at least do better than this.
