lexyeevee

troublesome fox girl

hello i like to make video games and stuff and also have a good time on the computer. look @ my pinned for some of the video games and things. sometimes i am horny on @squishfox



lexyeevee
@lexyeevee

specifically i figured out that i really do not like people being mad at me for reasons i cannot make sense of

scolding is a form of enforcing some kind of social contract, right, but if the implied contract is either incoherent or something i am in fact already doing, then well i just want to scream and/or throw the speaker into a volcano. it is uniquely agonizing

so if, say, a handful of people conclude "wow i guess eevee just hates accessibility" in the middle of my string of posts about the preposterous amount of effort i'm putting into customizable controls for a video game, or brush off my executive dysfunction in the middle of a disability conversation, orrrrr call me aggressive when i say thoughts and self-pitying when i say feelings,

i have a bad time

and this, broadly, has really been a running theme over the last five years. but hopefully it helps to recognize it is a thing that impacts me. only took a week and a half of the same few people cycling through my head before i caught onto the pattern


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in reply to @lexyeevee's post:

in reply to @lexyeevee's post:

it sucks bad when people are mad at you for either LITERALLY DOING THE THING YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING ACCORDING TO THEM or just not being able to understand their nonsensical expectations and how to keep up with them. kind of shit that makes one wish they had the gumption and upper body strength to throw the other person though a wall

i don't want to post things that could be interpreted as serious threats of violence or anything but sometimes i can feel the desperation in my body, i NEED them to stop, they are establishing contradictory rules and it is fucking with my programming

this. so much. i am doing the thing right i'm literally doing the thing as best as i can what do they want from me. i may very consciously not want to Do The Thing but boy howdy if i dont feel the instinctual urge to in my bones.

as the neuroatypical kid of an abusive evangelical parent, i had it incredibly beaten in deep that I need to follow The Rules™ at all times, and so at times when The Rules are contradictory or insufficient or somehow apply differently to me than to anyone else, I ... do not respond well.

I block them. “Being told to do a thing I’m already doing” is such a negative impact on my mental health that it’s the single most significant cause of me becoming snappy with my IRL housemates. This is a way I endeavor never to behave.

If a random stranger does it to me I block them and don’t look back.