Interior, Dromad Merchant Emporium. Several chalkboards have been haphazardly arranged around the room. They read: "WELCOME TO THE EMPORIUM!!", "Hats Hats Hats!" (this one is breathing fire), "Today only: free starapple with purchase!", and "Get your injectors here today!" There is a small display of injectors. There is small box with starapples. There is an enormous pile of hats.
Dromad Merchant: Live and drink traveler! Welcome to Maniaq's Grand Emporium! Where the savings are as high as the Spindle!! Would you like one of our many fine hats today??
Interior, Dromad Merchant Emporium. Several chalkboards have been haphazardly arranged around the room. They read: "WELCOME TO THE EMPORIUM!!", "Hats Hats Hats Hats!" (this one is breathing fire), "Today only: free starapple with purchase!", and "Weird Artifacts Available Now!" There is a weird pile of weird artifacts. There is small box with starapples. There is an enormous pile of hats.
Dromad Merchant: Live and drink, nomad! Welcome to Maniaq's Grand Emporium! Where the savings are as bottomless as the Rust Wells! Would you like one of our many fine hats today??
Interior, Dromad Merchant Emporium. Several chalkboards have been haphazardly arranged around the room. They read: "WELCOME TO THE EMPORIUM!!", "Hats Hats Hats Hats HATS!" (this one is breathing fire), "Today only: free starapple with purchase! (of hat)", and "Weird Artifacts Available Now! Today only: Strange Tubes!" There is a weird pile of weird artifacts topped with strange tubes. There is small box with starapples. There is an enormous pile of hats.
Dromad Merchant: Live and drink, villager! Welcome to Maniaq's Grand Emporium! Where the savings are as vast as the great salt desert! Would you like one of our many fine hats today??
Interior, Dromad Merchant Emporium. Several chalkboards have been haphazardly arranged around the room. The first one reads: "WELCOME TO THE EMPORIUM!!" The second has the word "Hats!" written on it so many times that it has become difficult to read (this one is breathing fire). The other two read, "New this week! Free spine fruit with purchase! (of hat)", and "Newer! Weirder! Artifacts!!" There is a weird pile of weird artifacts. On top of it is a smaller, weirder, pile of weird artifacts. There is a small bowl of spine fruit. There is an enormous pile of hats.
Dromad Merchant: Live and drink, wanderer! Welcome to Maniaq's Grand Emporium! Where the savings are as big as a great saltback tortoise! Would you like one of our many fine hats today??
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Live and drink, trader! Always exciting to find a big store I haven't been to yet! Ho ho!
Maniaq, Dromad Merchant: Always delighted to have a new customer! How many of our fine hats can I offer you today?
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Oh, I can't wear hats. Too hard to get around these horns, if you know what I mean. Ho ho!
Maniaq, Skilled Dromad Merchant: You could always buy some and give them as gifts to friends! And acquaintances! And strangers!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Oh, I won't be able to carry that much weight, if you know what I mean. Ho ho! I'm here looking for something specific. Something that's hard to find.
Maniaq, Intrigued Dromad Merchant: Something... hard to find?
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Something you can only get from a really... high tier merchant.
Maniaq, Flattered Dromad Merchant: High tier, you say? Well, rest assured, valued customer, that We, here at Maniaq's Grand Dromad Emporium, are of the very highest tier. There is nothing we cannot procure!!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Ho ho ho!
Maniaq, Mysterious Dromad Merchant: What is it you're looking to... procure?
High-Level Mutant Scholar: (leaning in conspiratorially) Metamorphic... Polygel.
Maniaq, Excitable Dromad Merchant: You have come to the right place, Valued Customer! We have just gotten a new shipment! Of weird artifacts! That are even weirder than usual! Surely your mysterious polly is among them!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Ho ho! Delightful! Which one do you think is most likely to be Metamorphic Polygel?
Maniaq, Enthusiastic Dromad Merchant: (proffering a weird object) Perhaps this could be what you're looking for!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: No, that's way too big. Metamorphic Polygel is very small. Show me your smallest artifacts!
Maniaq, Diligent Dromad Merchant: (proffering a small weird object) How about this one?
High-Level Mutant Scholar: That's a plasma grenade. I love a good plasma grenade, if you know what I mean, but that's only a mark I. It'll be an applicator.
Maniaq, Disheartened Dromad Merchant: (proffering an applicator-shaped weird object) Surely this is what you're looking for!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: (sighing) That's just Fix-It Spray Foam. I can get that anywhere. Don't you have anything weirder?
Maniaq, Despairing Dromad Merchant: (frantically rifling through the pile of weird objects) Maybe... this one?
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Ho ho ho ho!! I've never seen that before! I'll take it!
Maniaq, Relieved Dromad Merchant: Wonderful!! Thank you so much for your purchase, Valued Customer! Live and drink and come back often! Wait, what are you doing?
High-Level Mutant Scholar: (sitting on the floor) Oh, I'm just trying to figure out how it works! I think better when I'm sitting down. (turning the artifact around a few times) Spray-A-Brain...?
The High-Level Mutant Scholar spritzes a squirt of Spray-A-BrainTM onto the chalkboard that says "Newer! Weirder! Artifacts!!"
Chalkboard: AAAAAA!
Maniaq, Startled Dromad Merchant: AAAAAA!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: Ho ho ho ho ho!
Chalkboard: What is happening?!
Maniaq, Frightened Dromad Merchant: WHAT IS HAPPENING??!!
High-Level Mutant Scholar: This is no metamorphic polygel, but I'm loving these results! Come on, Chalkboard, we're going to have an Adventure!
Chalkboard: (nervously) O... K...?
The High-Level Mutant Scholar and the Chalkboard exit the Emporium together.
Maniaq, Upset Dromad Merchant: Hey, my chalkboard! I need that! Now the room is all unbalanced! How will my customers know what's new??
High-Level Mutant Scholar: (distantly, from outside) Oh, I am definitely coming back here again!
Chalkboard: (fading into the distance) Where is here?

