still not fully convinced that xylophones aren't some kind of elaborate hoax
news writer at PC Gamer. older stuff at Polygon, Fanbyte, Waypoint, etc. artist formerly known as an imaginary baseball team. horse conspiracist.
In about 90 minutes at 6pm EST Keith and Ali are going to play a pokemon fan game on twitch! Come by and see some fake pokemon and weird new types etc
[at the crime scene]
cop a: i swear to christ, he better not
cop b: easy. just let the man do his work
[i stand, all the clues taken in—considered, collated, weighed by the precision scales of deduction. the crime, as it happened, is as clear as day]
me: the killer was eight apples tall—
[groans, audible boos]