i did so many errands today and then went to services which were wonderful and i finally feel like, immediately very good in a congregation. the rabbi has big adhd vibes and it feels like there is space for me feeling like a fish out of water/i am not the only one feeling that way
(both my parents are ashkenazi jews but my mom's family is minimally observant going back to 2 of my great-grandparents who were atheist for communism reasons, my maternal grandfather who rejected orthodox judaism as a teen because he had a bad relationship with his shitty rabbi, and.... idk why my dad isnt observant but besides knowing that he was bar mitzvah'd ive never known him to care much one way or the other. finding a way to actively engage in Judaism in community where i dont feel like a fraud has been a struggle my entire adult life)