caro
@caro

how does that conversation, like, go down with your partner/s- and more speculatively but relevantly, how ought it to go down with potential partner/s? how does one even breach that topic as a member of a culture that assumes monogamy by default, yk? and do you have any reading you’d recommend on the topic, especially in the realm of ‘sappy love confession’. I’m gonna have to write a scene like this and it’s dawned upon me that a) I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing and b) I have easy access to a gaggle of experts

pretend I worded this request in a better manner it’s nearly 3am I’m trying so hard

(Emily if you find and read this, this isn’t scheming this is fic research I promise /gen)


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in reply to @caro's post:

Like, a “I want to have more than one partner, are we still compatible” kinda discussion; or in a cartoon world where romance is very simplified the “I think I have a crush… on Both of you !!” moment

It feels really important to get right but as shown by my shoddy wording even daytime me doesn’t know the first place to start

hm! The thing about nonmonogamy is it's 90% the same as monogamy. (The remaining 10% is getting really good at google calendar use. [rimshot sound effect]) So a lot of conversations go the same way they would with monogamy - how to two monogamous people talk about whether they're still compatible or if they want the same things? How to two monogamous people go "oh! dang! I think I like you!!!"

There are so many paths to nonmongamy, and there are as many ways to get there are there are people getting there, so it can be hard to generalize - but if you have specific q's or scenes, feel free to let me know and I can advise! I beta fic and am a copy editor in real life

EDITED TO ADD: If you listen to podcasts, Multiamory has a lot of very approachable new-to-monogamy topics! I recommend trying a few eps to get a feel for some ways nonmonogamy can work.

Idk if this is exactly the kind of reading you're looking for but I highly reccomend Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It gives a good window into the many different ways modern poly relationships can look. Also learning about attachment theory was incredibly valuable.

I dont have recommend for "that conversation" from my personal experience because my entire adult dating life has happened within subcultures that do not assume monogomy as the default. Whether a relationship will be poly or monogs is something decided together, with the possibility of renegotiation.