The penny dropped that this time of year for the last five years I've been nose down in the books for university deadlines, which was my Super Healthy Actually way of coping with the bereavement anniversary of my 'ma passing away being in May. I realised now uni is well and truly over, this LP thing was kind of my project substitute for doing essays this time of year?
Well... The big day was yesterday and I'm immediately hit with post-bereavement clarity haha I tried recording some episodes I was really looking forward too but Something Wasn't Right. I think when dabbling in a new creative outlet it's easy to dismiss that Feeling as doubt, like "Oh but if I do this new thing enough I'll be better at it!" But sometimes your brain is legit telling you like... This could be better, or you could be doing something better for you right? I pride myself on being a good quitter lmao as in knowing when to quit and when to persevere!
So I'm probably going to experiment some with some different format for making videos, I am Too Dang Autistic™ for live commentary, even pre-recorded, without assistance like a co-commentator or a live chat to help offset my audio processing and executive dysfunction issues. (I was going to do my Masters legit on that very subject you know! But I did think maybe I was wrong? lmao I was not, maybe I have a degree because I am a good researcher, weird!) So I'd like to try some post-commentary format for videos maybe? And just heavily scripted stuff talking about games. I'm even thinking of just doing a off-script gabbing about doing the let's plays and what it taught me about my own autistic speech.
Also recording live puts me in a space I don't like lol call it cringe or clingy but being cut off from the other people in my house for such prolong periods like hour long and that... Don't like it! lmao I miss chatting and checking in on my fiance and my cats!!! So that's were i'm at with that! Overall I am glad I stuck my neck out with Let's Playing for so long. Even if I walk away now I did a whole batch of videos, that's completing a project! That's huge for my ADHD brain, I used to abandon projects all the time, but I'm regularly seeing them to completion these days, like... Whoa! Who am I? lmao before this I wrote a book as well? Cray!
Even tho things are bad rn, they are also secretly very good.