anthony fantano summarizes the situation eloquently in this video
I live in the middle of assfuck nowhere, so when I see big-time musicians it's a huge deal.
The thing is, i've only ever talked to artists or performers on a personal level if i'm already friends with them. otherwise, i keep it to the shows. if i go to a concert, those musicians are working so i'll walk up to them at the venue and say "hey, i love your work!" and maybe ask them about the equipment they use if i really like the sound they've got. but if, for example, i saw Chappell Roan at the grocery store? yeah no, im not gonna bother her.
the way i see it is like this: if they're at a gig, whether it's a meet & greet or a concert, they're working and they know that. so i'll walk up to them and be professional. but if they're in public and just existing as a regular citizen, they're not working so I shouldn't be treating them like they're working.
Like, think about this hypothetical: imagine you're at the grocery store in the queue for the cashier, and your boss gets in line behind you and starts talking to you about work. you'd probably get really pissed off that they're making you work when you're not scheduled. so why should you do that to someone like Chappell Roan?
people really, really need to learn that boundaries and consent apply to everything people do, not just sex. it applies to friendships, fandom, communities, all types of things. someone in the comments of fantano's video said "let artists clock out" and damn if that doesn't perfectly encapsulate what i'm getting at here.
and the thing is, i know exactly how the contrarian side of my brain reacted to what i've posted, so I know exactly what people are gonna end up doing anyway.
my thought after posting this was "but how would they know if you were being a good fan?"
they won't. that's kind of the fucking point. a good fan is an unremarkable fan. they don't act out to be memorable, because being a memorable fan to a celebrity means you memorably sucked. just behave yourself. go to the shows, buy their merch, compliment their work when you're at their shows, but for the love of god stop going up to them in public like you're owed their attention. you aren't.