the thing that really sucks about cptsd is having a deep-rooted gut feeling that any framing you choose that's generous to you must somehow be the wrong one. and for me, at least, this results in getting stuck in thought loops where on the one hand I know the only reasonable way to frame a situation results in conclusions like "I am allowed to enforce my boundaries and don't owe anything to anyone", but on the other hand, that conclusion is Obviously Wrong in my head and in my gut and I feel equally strongly that extending myself that kind of thing is selfish and Will hurt others. and every time I try to articulate this, I do it in the reasonable framing, the one that extends me too much grace, and then I get frustrated all over again.
look at the sky.
taste me, as the food and drink Alice found almost said. she was cast unto a stormshorn sunderedsea. you too will fall beneath my waves in time.
profile pic by moiwool (nonbinary color edit by me)
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