ill be entirely honest I've kinda shut my mouth during this entire awful debacle with people on here being horribly racist because I legitimately don't know if I count as "PoC" or not
being mixed is hard. the world sends us mixed messages, and we often are at a crisis internally on where we stand, and whether we deserve to have a voice in these kinds of conversations and situations
one time a guy did go absolutely insanely rancid in my mentions in much the same way but it was specifically about me being mixed and making absolutely wild assumptions about what that means in the context of my society so,,, yeah
idk what I'm even saying with this this shits fucking hard
hard for me to even make posts like this because I'm terrified of people looking at my selfies from earlier today and deciding that I'm white based on those and telling me to shut up. genuinely have a horrible anxiety complex over people accusing me of "digital brownface" or some shit
wish I at least solidly fell into one category or another, straddling the line between the categories that define these conversations fucking sucks
my self perception is so fucking shot to hell that I can't even consistently pick a "me" skin tone in video game character creators (most lack an option that looks like me so I'm stuck between one two shades lighter and one two shades darker having a crisis)
anyway can you tell I'm deeply hurt by the way the world talks about race and ethnicity, from any and all angles
idk what I'm even really saying here, I guess I'm seeing all these posts about Being Aware Of Whiteness And Racism and it's provoking the identity crisis of "does this apply to me am I part of the problem, but also I've faced much the same abuse elsewhere, aaaaaaaa" again
when you exist on the dividing line between categories you're forced into dwelling on what those categories mean an awful lot
Wish I had a satisfactory answer for how I fit in. It's all very... binary. There's very little room for someone between, not fully fitting in either.
I keep joking that "if you ask me if I'm white I'll throw an exception and crash to desktop" and... there's some real truth to that. I don't know...
