something that I have sort of vaguely felt from social media for a while but both my recent experiments with twitch and cohost adding asks has made very clear: nobody online has any real sense of either my personality or interests anymore. I didn't use to feel this way! there's just something about the last few years of twitter that has made me feel too scared to express things about myself lest they turn into something that anyone malicious latch onto, and while I don't think there's anything wrong with having a private side from strangers, it feels bad to realize that I have apparently managed to smooth myself until there's nothing of interest left. nobody knows what to say to me anymore and it's definitely not their fault!
like, don't get me wrong, I feel like I've been taking stuff that I probably would have just screamed in public in 2013 and instead channelling it into my actual art. I'm a firm believer of the notion that feelings are more rigorously explored when they're abstracted into art than in something as clumsy and literal as online posting, and like, you know, The Fate of Another World is something I'm deeply proud of. the few people who have actually played it know what I'm talking about, there's real blood in that game, my soul is in there.
but also maybe it's bad if from the outside perspective all that's left is generic "queer game developer." I dunno what to do about that. maybe it'll be more obvious when I've recovered more from the past 14 years of twitter, the majority of which were apparently putting me into a hostile and defensive mindset. I really hope so! as much as I don't really know what I want out of social media or public presence anymore, it's definitely not to feel like my character is so ephemeral it's impossible to know