"What...is this place, anyway?"
From where Balon and Diana stood, endless arches stretched out, each section of each arch endless patchworks of bookshelves and stone. Far below them, where the winding vinelike stairs reached down to an impossible depth, the floor glistened and writhed in ways Balon desperately tried not to think about. It curved away from them in a distance measured in tens of kilometers, curving upward in all directions. The arches all rose to form a globe at their apexes. Balon needed to know what was in that inner sphere. Balon wanted nothing less than to find out.
Diana held the magic camera up, using the viewfinder to chase leylines Balon couldn't see. "It's Sallƴn's Archivus Omni Dysonae, it's kind of hard to explain. Partly because I don't, like, completely get it myself. Like, there's an origin myth, but it's about how someone wrote an origin myth and how it's wrong but by being wrong became part of the actual myth? I dunno, I'm pretty good with meta mumbo jumbo but even I can't shake it."
There wasn't much talking on the climb. 2 days later while he ate trail mix and Diana sucked her "juice boxes" around a makeshift campfire, he asked, "so are we gonna like...take the book with us?"
Diana shrugged and tossed the empty bag into the flames. "I'm gonna try to get some pics with my wide lens, and if that doesn't work, maybe? There might be rules against it or something."
Balon nodded. "Rules are butts."
Diana threw her hands up. "RULES ARE BUTTS! that's why I wanna see the book. Those stupid galactic guiding guardians are gonna flip when I'm right and there's no rules against it."
After a night's (day's?) sleep, they started to climb again. Balon never had a fear of heights, but the way the stairs tilted as the arch curved towards the inner sphere with him still on them like normal made him dizzy. The first time they crossed an "upside down" flight of stairs, he threw up.
Finally, they made to an alcove 3/4s of the way up the arch, with a little balcony that was the "proper" way up. In the alcove, on a pedestal, was the manual. A single light with an unclear source illuminated the hefty tome. In large, embossed, glittering pink letters, the cover bore its title:
THE MAGICAL GIRL'S HANDBOOK, DEFINITIVE EDITION
The two looked upon it with wonder, engrossed in its sparkling glory. Diana reached out a tenative finger, and when the omnibus didn't react to her poking it, she flipped it open eagerly and started searching the table of contents.
"I don't know what chapter it would be under," Diana said, frowning. "There's so many."
"Try the index," Balon suggested.
"Ooh! Good idea." Diana flipped to the back of the text. "V...V...Vacations, Vacuums, Vagabonds, Vagrants, Vahahahaha ummm let's skip that one, Valor...Ha! Yes! There's like 30 pages on it! Way too many to be a hard no!"
Balon went back to the balcony and looked out while his companion poured over the tome. He tried looking down, to keep himself from staring at the sphere in the center. He saw someone at the bottom of one of the pillars! They were climbing on shelves, and slipped, and fell into the writhing floor below. They did not come back out. Balon gulped.
"Hey!" Diana shouted. "Balon, check it out!"
He ran back over to the tall girl's side. "Whatcha find?"
She pointed excitedly to the page. "Not only is there no rules against a Vampire being a magical girl, there are a billion rules about how to be a vampire magical girl! There's rules for if you're magical girl before you're turned, if you want to become one if you've already been turned, and there's even advice on outfits and protecting yourself from the sun! This is great!" She raised her hand and tightened it into a fist. "The triple-Gs can suck it. Suck ittttttt."
"So can we take the book?" Balon asked. "I wanna see their faces when we hit them with the truth bomb."
"It can't leave the pedestal, but I should be able to take some pictures." As Diana rasied the camera to her eye, something fell out of the pocket of her track jacket.
Balon picked it up. "Whoa, D, check it out! A vampire magical girl rules zine!"
Diana took it. "Wow! Thanks Magical Girl Handbook!"
The annal on the pedestal sparkled more than before for a moment.
"Look, it's even got a 5-D authenticity sticker!" Diana held it up in front of Balon's face.
"Haha, that hurts to look at." Balon rubbed his eyes. He thought for a moment. "Hey Diana, does that book say anything about magical dudes?"
"Pfft."
"I'm serious, I wanna know! I don't ever want to be a magical girl. Done with that stuff."
Diana went back to the handbook. "Sorry, Balon, I didn't mean it that way. Lemme check....hmmm, no, nothing about boys like that in here at all, but there is a huge section on being trans, lemme check.....wow, this is REALLY progressive for how old it is. Like, there's stuff in here the 3-Gs could learn from. There's a lot here on trans girls, so it should work the other way, right?"
"I dunno, D, rules can be tricky."
"Wait, I found something! 'What to do if you are transitioning or transitioned away from female genders—please consult the Magical Boy Manual, chapter 12!' Balon, you could be a magical boy!"
"Radical! But how do we find it?"
Diana closed the handbook, and flipped it over. On the back, there was an ancient post-it note with a bunch of numbers. "These are co-ordinates. Balon, do you still have that laser we stole from the science mob?"
Balon dug it out of his pack, and handed it to Diana. She walked to the balcony, and after a few minutes she beckoned him over. "It should be riiiight...there!"
She pointed the laser to the bottom of an arch pillar about 6km away, just above the floor. As she hovered the laser there, the floor began to curl upwards, arching around the laser and somehow latching onto the top of the beam. It began to climb the beam very rapidly, and with a surprised "Oop!" Diana turned the laser off. The inky blackness fell back into the floor beneath it.
"So," Diana said, "Wanna go check it out?"
Balon looked down at the writhing floor, which he swore he could hear squelching. He looked up at the sphere at the top of the arches, which was whispering words he didn't want to and couldn't understand.
He turned around 180°. "Nah, I'm good. I wanna wake up now."
