We need to stop thinking through the most plausible answers to the Fermi paradox, or even the most optimistic/pessimistic answers. We need to gather our brightest minds to think of the funniest answers to the Fermi paradox.
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The very first galactic civilizations are being built right now, but thanks to the lightspeed barrier we can't see any of them. When we develop warp drives in the next 100 years or so we will find that other aliens already got there first. They left us alone because invasion makes zero sense with a practically infinite number of planets and resource-rich asteroids
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There is a great filter, and it makes everyone stay home, but the filter is that we all inevitably develop mathematically perfect pornography
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Theory of Everything reveals a hidden message embedded in the laws of physics that says "Thanks for playing the shareware version of existence! To get all four episodes, send a check or money order toβ"
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Nobody leaves their home planet because their internet gives them the existential dread of "everything's already been done/thought of before, so what's the point"
- there are million-year-old intelligent civilisations out there, but they've all also encountered the Fermi paradox and decided they're evidently alone in the universe, so why bother with interstellar travel?
- Humanity, being a brand-new initiate in the spacefaring club, is currently the subject of a hazing ritual where every other civilisation in the galaxy is deliberately concealing themselves from us. They'll all show up the moment we give up on space exploration.
