lupi

cow of tailed snake (gay)

avatar by @citriccenobite

you can say "chimoora" instead of "cow of tailed snake" if you want. its a good pun.​


i ramble about aerospace sometimes
I take rocket photos and you can see them @aWildLupi


I have a terminal case of bovine pungiform encephalopathy, the bovine puns are cowmpulsory


they/them/moo where "moo" stands in for "you" or where it's funny, like "how are moo today, Lupi?" or "dancing with mooself"



Bovigender (click flag for more info!)
bovigender pride flag, by @arina-artemis (click for more info)



contextual
@contextual

A continuation of the Asexual Succubus Chronicles (hit the tag for the first few if you missed)

You know it’s kind of weird being in my position here, well anyone’s position here. See, when someone dies in their mortal lifetime, all the other mortal people are like “oh no” and “we’re so sad” and “I wish we had more time”. Here in the afterlife when someone on the mortal plane dies, it’s more like “Oh wow, I should look them up when they get settled. Go out to lunch or something, catch up. It’ll be good.” The perspective is a little shifted, but it works out pretty well.

Needless to say, I was taken a bit by surprise when an angel walked into my office and told me that I had an extremely insistent visitor. By that I mean, I’m the right-hand go-to girl for a succubus demon queen. We don’t generally get angels in my office, much less the kind of extremely tired-looking archangel who walked in my door this afternoon. All blazing sigils and golden crowns and glimmering armor, ivory and alabaster, wings and radiance, the whole deal and let me tell you, dude was worn out. Good for him it was lunch time, so I didn’t have anybody in there with me except a tuna sandwich and some fruit punch on ice.

What?

Buddy I’m not in Hell to suffer, this is just my day job. I do my part to keep things running smooth and spend my off-hours in a warm underground paradise with my mistress. I can have a tuna sandwich with fresh crispy cool veggies and strawberry punch. The pits of misery are for people who pledged themselves to gods and did it wrong or whatever. I’m not here to judge, that’s way over my pay grade.

Anyway enough of that. So I’m in my office, got the door closed, music up, having a sandwich, doing the Electric Slide. You know, regular office stuff, and this angel bangs on my door all “Business from Topside” which is basically code for “Heaven doesn’t respect working hours” but whatever I’m feeling charitable. So I turn the music down and open the door, and this poor bastard looks like he’s been fighting a war.

“Oh, Lord be Praised you’re in the office for lunch.”

“Not with that kind of language I’m not, Jacob. You look like you could stand a day off, how can I help?”

“Don’t tempt me, Miss Clarity. I might just take you up on it. May I come in? This one I think is personal.”

“Sure, sure come on in. Relax if you’re allowed, sit down even. You wanna fruit punch or something? Not evil or anything I promise, they’re fresh and cold from the neutral cafeteria.”

“You have a fridge in your office?”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t have an office, but I’ll take you up on the drink.”

“You’re on the wrong floor for direct temptation anyway, this is mostly admin. What brings you to my office?”

He takes a long drink of the cool liquid and sighs. “Does the name Denise Ophelia Raiene ring any bells?”

“Well yeah that’s my mother- oh. Oh no what happened?”

“Her soul isn’t in any danger or anything.” He slumps back in his chair, appreciating the beverage and breathing out a sigh. “She’s been in top office for a day and a half, signed sealed delivered she’s got an express ticket to paradise I promise. But.”

“But”

“She’s been asking about you constantly. Ever since the moment she found out you won’t be meeting her in paradise with the rest of the congregation she’s been losing her mind demanding your release.”

“My release?”

“Your release. She thinks you were condemned and won’t take any kind of reassurance.”

“Holy shit, mom.”

“Could you not?”

“I love you like a brother, Jake, but this is my office.” A pause. “Wait. Don’t tell me we’re breaking protocol and arranging a meeting. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it? Her soul won’t be reassured until she knows that I’m okay so you’re…”

“She’s in the lobby.”

“You’re killing me, dude.”

“We’re all dead here.”

“I’m saving that one for later, thanks. So is she coming up here or should I just go down there and take her for a little walk & talk outside or what?”

“I dunno, honestly I’m out of ideas anyway. Just try something.”

“Right.” I pause at my workstation to send a message up to the boss letting her know I’ve got an unexpected visitor, and we head to the ground floor.

I double-check myself in the mirror before we head for the elevators. Make sure my skirt is straight and not pinched up anywhere, shoes aren’t scuffed, blouse is straight, hair is up with my favorite decorative pins. Horns are clean, glasses are clean, nails look good, face is clear with no bits of lunch or crumbs anywhere. Not much I can do about the change in eyes and skin color and you know, the tail and everything. She’s gonna have to deal with that but at least I'm presentable.

We reach the lobby floor the doors open, and there she is. All dressed in soft white linens, gentle aetherial holy glow, looking very much the part of the pure soul bound for eternal glory, standing in literal Middle Hell’s office lobby. I round the corner with Jacob the now slightly refreshed Archangel who really needs a day off and is still sipping fruit punch from the bottle I gave him.

“Well.” I start. “This certainly isn’t where I expected the reunion to take place.”
She freezes for a moment, having been fretting as she does, and stares, stunned, at me.
I give her a sheepish smile. “Hi mom. Been a minute. You look well, headed to paradise and everything.”

It takes her a minute. I can see it processing in her expression as she looks at me. I look very much like I did when I was alive, but my body shape is a bit fuller in places, a bit more idealized. Plus you know, the soft rusty reddish tone of my skin and the brilliant amber red-orange of my sclera and the few patches of scales on my chin, neck, and elbows that she can see. The nice black-brown horns that emerge at the crest of my forehead and sweep backward and turn out, the point in my ears, the sharpness in my teeth, the pink-gold of my irises, the tail… okay I have changed quite a bit. I can’t blame her, but I can see the recognition in her expression.

“O… Ophelia-May what have they done to you?”

“Nothing terrible, or even mildly upsetting I promise.” Silently I’m glad I can hold the fork of my tongue together so she doesn’t catch sight of that too and completely over the edge. I step forward and put a hand out to her, also glad I went with rounded tipped nails. “I’m doing fine.”

“You’ve changed. Are you sure you’re still… you?”

“They haven’t touched her mind or her soul, that much I can attest to.” Jacob steps in, knowing full well she wouldn’t believe me when I told her the same. “She was never on the registrar of the damned.”

“Then how?”

I take her hand between both of mine, she’s a bit cool to the touch. She remarks that I’m warm. I nod. “Do you remember the day I died?”

“Like it was this morning, every day for the last twenty six years.”

“I want you to know, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t suffer. In fact, I didn’t even know I was dead. The crossover was instantaneous.” I motion out to the parking lot where I first pulled my motorcycle up those years ago. Sometimes I can still see the echo of it parked there. “I just kept going, but things looked unfamiliar and I thought I had gotten lost so I swung in here for directions.”

“You… couldn’t feel it? I mean. I only just got here but I can feel the kind of-...infernal energy about the place?”

I shake my head. “I’m immune to it, they were baffled that I walked in totally unaffected and asked for directions to my job interview. You have the protection of the Holy so it’s like a bug buzzing around your head instead of throwing your brain into a scrambler.”

Jacob nods too. “She’s a rare case. Stone cold immune to psychosexual and infernal energy.”

“Then why do you look so different, why aren’t you in paradise?”

“Well, funny thing. You remember how I was here looking for a job? I, ah, got the job. I was so wound up trying to get a job that I didn’t put two and two together until the boss tore out a portal to the mortal coil and showed me that I was dead. I didn’t know what to do, and I knew that trying to fit in at church once a week was awkward enough. I’d never make it with all the holy rollers for eternity. The boss lady needed a personal assistant, one thing lead to another, I work here.”

“Mhm.” She nods. “And the changes, and the collar?”

I didn’t know I could blush redder than I already was, but that day I learned. “Ah, hah. Well. I’m kind of an honorary succubus now. Mmmmmay have voluntarily bound myself to my mistress and my name is Clarity now.” I can feel my voice pitching up into unintentional question mark tones and can’t do anything about it.

“Mm-Hmm.” Yes there’s the disappointed mother tone. “So there’s the truth of it.” Stone cold, as she ever was when she’s about to cross her arms and give you the glare.

“Yup! Been faithful to her since the day we met. Nearly as long as I’ve been down here, so let’s say twenty-five years and change. Which! Is more than I can say for your husband.”

That was it. That was the moment I could see her bind up because she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or slap me off my feet. Even Jacob took a step back and held his breath. Finally she breathed out a loud sigh and let her shoulders slump.

“Oh… shut up and come over here.” She pulled me gently into a hug and the moment was fairly electric. The latent Holiness about her brushing against well-honed demoness vibe, and I hugged her back. “As much as it pains me to know you’re down here… the happiness looks good on you, my dear.”

I’m not sure if I actually squeaked when she did it, but it took me a moment to come down off my toes and hug her properly. “Thanks, Mom. It is good to see you again, one more time at least before they whisk you away to paradise.”

“You too, but I’m sure they can work out some kind of visitation schedule. It’s not like they have to go fish you out of some pit of flames when they can just call your office.”

“Believe it or not, every once in a while I actually have to go fish someone out of a pit. Part of the whole immunity bit, means I can walk right through it.”

“Well that certainly is convenient, isn’t it? Though I would figure they would have some awful brute to do the job instead of sending my baby girl in to pick up their dirty work.”

“You’d think so, but it comes with the territory I guess. Besides, I’m stronger than I look! C’mon, let’s go for a walk. We can visit for a while, I’ll show you around the place a bit.”

And so we managed to waste an entire afternoon that way. Sure, I had things to do at work but oddly enough they understand this sort of thing in Hell. After all, we literally have eternity down here but she only had the afternoon before she needed to go up and see about her own eternity. She promised to write, Jacob promised he’d help her get everything figured out. She thought that was so nice, but I know just as well he was vying for a couple easy days. I think she was okay with me when we said goodbye, at least she was satisfied that I wasn’t suffering here. She just had to see it for herself.

Honestly for all her flaws, the woman is really a saint. She was never perfect but she tried, and succeeded more often than not. If they had sent her down here because of me I’d have brought her up there and raised actual hell about it, though I was tempted to ask her to consider staying. I think she could see it in my eyes, that I didn’t want to let her go. After all these years and all these changes, she still recognizes her own. She just smiled and told me not to worry about her, it’s never too late to get thrown out of paradise. I suggested she try visiting now and then first, after all dad still hasn’t made it through and we’d both like to see how that plays out.


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