My cow sona, Marion, is accidentally a gender allegory.
They were Something prior to being the Strange Cow, which I leave unwritten. But then, A Thing Happen, and suddenly they are endowed with supernatural ability which tends to take the shape of general transformation/reality bending stuff.
The first thing they do is make themselves the genderfucked cow, and you'd think that that'd be it for the gender thing, they got what they wanted,, right?
Nah they get to spend the next unknowable period of time facing a new foundational uncertainty in their identity: "what does this make me, what am i, who am i for this now"
It's terrifying, and vast, and they're not ready to handle that, so they grab onto the first thing that feels like it fits the bill, and decide to start playing the part of a demon. They liked doing all the salacious whimsy, all the inherent sauciness to the presentation, but there was so much that just. Didn't fit. It was the baggy cargo shorts and gamer graphic tee "I am uncomfortable with my identity" fit but metaphysically.
They trudge on with it though, for a while, just keeping the greater questions brushed under a rug, because they can make it work. There's no like, point where it breaks down and they have a crisis, fortunately, we get the opposite. When they were engaging with one of their regular counterparts in some whimsy, a thought bubbles up while trying to flirt, trying to be tacky and riffing on a Sagan quote.
If life is a way for the cosmos to know itself, maybe the supernatural is a way for the cosmos to act upon that knowledge, to change itself.
And about ten seconds later it hits them in the face like a boomerang, and they realize that in that moment, they'd found who they were, at least, only the part that matters to them. And in further following from Sagan's lovely teachings, that there was beauty in the unknown and mystery and vast skies of wonder that filled the universe, even the stuff we didn't understand yet.
They didn't have to have all the answers, they didn't need to cling onto something so contrived, they had found the only answers they needed.
Now they play around with the "minotaur" label reflecting their being "posthuman" of a sort, and the minotaur being also astronomically affiliated, but really that's just for set dressing, they don't stake any of their identity on it, it's more just. As we'll joke. " a nice drizzle off Greek dressing"
metatextual parallels
Marion was an OC i invented for F-List in 2015 because the fat quad dragon autism creature didn't have a dominant bone in her body except for like, pred shit and being a priss, and I wanted to be able to explore that side of moo. They came into being right as i graduated high school, and I was gripped with that "oh fuck, where do i go from here, what now, what the fuck, who am i, who am i going to be"
this wasn't inherently written into them, but it seeped into them. Looking back analytically, they were an attempt to take more control in a closed setting, be a more dominant, active, and higher-agency version of mooself, more suave and everything. And so, they were a literal demon before very long narratively, causing whimsy at their hooves.
This continued apace for several years, until I started to be more aware of Gender Of The Trans Variety. In 2019, I glanced at their bio, and. "Wow, 2015 moo wasn't trying to be transphobic but boy were they fucking clueless as shit in a way that reads poorly now.
So i said "fuck it, make the cow trans" and that was revelation number one where we started to grow into each other. I decided to make 2020 the "Moo Year" where i fulltimed them to see how it felt. Within weeks, they'd developed the Tail'O'Snake because despite not feeling the dragon, I needed Huge Tail.
As they started to grow into being more than just a funny toy for flirting on the internet that demon veneer started to grow even weakeerr and less fitting, I was skirting the lines constantly of "Demon in Title Only," joking that the only time they really interfaced with it was at the Demon DMV or whatever, not doing all the deals for souls or whatever.
Not long after this time I was afforded the opportunity to move out to Florida with a friend and given the chance to discover who I was in relative separation from family, be a bit more queer, etc, or at least less closeted, so things got even better
And then, same as in the actual text, I was doing some TF stuff with a friend, said that line, and they suddenly made sense. Just as I had started to make sense to myself in the same way, temporally.
They're not moo writing directly about my exploration of the self but they sure mirror it by complete accident.
unwritten "stage directions" that aren't hard canon but more background details
- they are in fact posthuman, at times that's considered to be post-me-specifically
- i will never ascribe them a demon/god/demigod/spirit label because the point is that the labels don't matter, the mystery is a source of wonder and not terror
- at most i will characterize them as loosely the fundamental concept of entropy, of change, etc, imbued into their being. This describes how i approach them, not what they are. Entropy is a very resonant thing for them, but they're not like a God Of Entropy or anything.
