i'm a boy from indiana and this is very emotional for me
he goes on to "translate" (ie, rewrite) several passages of Genesis into rhyming verse to demonstrate that "eating from the tree of knowledge" actually meant Adam and Eve had nonprocreative sex
so i won't be opening the file but it was sent to my entire department, inexplicably gives an alleged US patent number in the full title (?) and is apparently about the apocalypse, so i'm really sorry to miss out!
I like how he's covering his bases with both catholic-approved methodology and "the backing of a Protestant Pastor".
This ran for 16 episodes in 1998. The final episode ended on the cliffhanger reveal of his mysterious father.
By the powers vested in me by the Holy Trinity and the state of New York, I hereby serve notice to you to vacate the body of this child and the surrounding premises!
"years of street ministry" the good lord did not ask you to preach to people while you're arresting them, sir
For thousands of years, mankind has wondered: Did Adam and Eve fuck?
Not sure what's better, the proper noun Evil Angel or leading with an unrelated quote just to say "Well I hope I don't fuck this up."
teh "super secret trees" also gof me. this seems to bee trying to masquerade itshelf as a tumblr post, meowf
hey michael, long time reader first time caller. I have a quick question - more of a comment, really - what the fuck
Starting off with a nothing quote by Oscar Wilde is giving me flashbacks to Uncyclopedia.
"'eating from the tree of knowledge' actually meant Adam and Eve had nonprocreative sex" is a head scratcher,
Cain and Abel were born after the Fall. Meaning either Adam and Eve simply did not have sex in paradise ever, or the children born in the garden are somehow irrelevant
"For thousands of years" is famously a great lead-in right after assuring the reader their time won't be wasted.
is this the vedic arithmetic thing that's somehow gotten 44 papers or whatever on IEEE Xplore?
not at first glance--the email takes a long time to just ask me if i know anything about this topic, and also asserts that i am an expert (obviously i am not), and i think that's potentially a layup for me to reply "i don't know" and THEN hit me with either the numerology stuff of some other bespoke weirdness
omg, Michael, I receive these too but with a spritz of fresh science flavor. Like, "I've invented an equation that predicts the future, are you edgy enough to cover it in the mainstream press?"
i often tell my students i joined academia for the high-tier of spam email
lmfao AI having 1% mindshare after all the marketing is a pretty big indictment even for spam
no one wants to read my patented AI completed copy of the dead sea scrolls 
it's all in there! i don't know why people aren't more interested
On of the costs of becoming an """academic""" I've learned is that once every few weeks, some person with a very... unique world view will send you an email that is long and rambling about their "insight that no one will accept".
in our headcanon the author has patented the Ghostbusters skyscraper whose steel beams form a gateway to the netherworld, and is now looking for a manufacturing partner
