lys bedsores

baby (cat) was at the vet today, she started limping very badly all of a sudden on friday night. i worry a lot that this creature who i share my days with doesn't know i love her; i worry more about when hard things happen that she won't be able to forgive me. the terror of an animal surrounded the unfamiliar, while also in pain, challenges me as a companion. ultimately, it's not great news, but there's not much that can be done and it's not life-threatening -- she's got bad arthritis in both hips, and then strained or tore (the vet wasn't sure) a knee ligament in compensating for it. i cried when i put her in the carrier because she hates it, i talked to her all the way there, trying to give her something familiar, like the sound of my voice. by the end of her first vet appointment i was sobbing, because i didn't know what was wrong with her, but also because she was going through so much just trying to understand. because i'm so vulnerable, i walk into this vet's office a total mark, completely manipulable, and i loathe that. she and i, in our own ways, lose control. i dropped her off in the morning and she had to be there for 7 hours, furious and frustrated, scared and angry, and i couldn't be there with her. i just dropped her off and cried thinking about her there. she's home now. i got out some wet food for her and she immediately fell chest-first into it, which was a little funny. i forced some laptime (she gets heating pad, warm body, lots of pets) and now she's settled on her perch beside me, sleeping it off. i don't know when her leg is gonna heal. i wish this hadn't happen right before my move, for more than a few reasons. but i've calmed down. i've done what i can do right now.