The Marsh Kickstarter continues apace; only nine days left! Note that there are still a few more stretch goals to go, including illustrations and a full audiobook version, and still time to help fund those! In anticipation of seeing that fully funded, with many of the stretch goals already reached, here is another little teaser — the subtle implications of merging memories blithely.
...So it was that Cress, Tule, Dry Grass, and I sat around a table, hotpot bubbling away in the center, in a nearly deserted restaurant. We said nothing, each doubtless lost in our own thoughts, as we dredged veggies and tofu, thin strips of fish and squid, and thinly sliced lamb through the spicy broth, carefully fishing them back out after the scant few seconds it took for them to cook so that we could eat them atop bowls of rice.
It was Tule who broke the silence. "This is all incredibly fucked, but at least the food is good."
We all bust out laughing. Cress, most of all seemed caught up in the humor, laughing uncontrollably until tears streamed down its face. That laughter briefly veered into hysterical sobs as it hunched over in its seat. We had long since set up a cone of silence, and I think we were all glad for that now, as it made the space feel more intimate, more comforting as Tule and Dry Grass bookended Cress and rubbed their hands over its back.
"Sorry," it said once it was able to sit back up. Its voice was round, stuffed up. "I don't even know why it hit me like that."
"Too many emotions at once?" I suggested.
It shrugged. "Maybe. I mean, that's definitely true, but I don't know if that's why I fell apart."
"You do not need to know why, love," Dry Grass said gently. "You are allowed to be a confused mess in this confused mess of a life."
I nodded, dredging a skewer of shrimp through the bubbling hotpot and waiting for it to cool enough to eat. "I have no clue how to feel, myself. I keep alternating between tired and down on myself for not doing enough, and working frantically on what feels like a good idea until another comes up."
Dry Grass tilted her head, a curious gesture I'd noticed in her cocladists as well. "Are you still feeling conflicting emotions from your merge?"
I stiffened in my seat.
"Only if you are comfortable discussing it, of course," she continued, voice soft. "I just imagine that there is no more appropriate crowd than this."
Both my cocladists had a blank look on their face before Tule fell once more into laughter. "Oh my god, Reed."
"What?" Cress asked.
"I merged down before New Year's."
"Yeah? And? I don't–" it began, then flushed red in its cheeks. It started to laugh as well, "Oh no, Reed. You kept the memories?"
"Yeah. It was a confusing night, you merged down before I'd forked my new instance," I said. I slouched down in my seat, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks as I watched both of my cocladists laugh while Dry Grass sat, smiling earnestly at me. I knew that smile well, knew it from nights and nights together, from Sunday brunches and afternoons lounging in the sun. I shook my head to clear it. "You really want to talk about this now?"
She nodded. "I would like to talk about anything — literally anything other than what we have been talking about for days — and I will never turn down the chance to talk about feelings..."