It’s funny, isn’t it? How the mundane and the ordinary so often overwhelm the extraordinary in our lives?
Eating a pop-tart while experiencing world events on television and remembering the taste of processed, reheated chocolate filling more than the words and the sights. That sort of thing.
The last few months have been a series of those for me- big events, overshadowed by mundane details. Splitting and reforming and splitting again while looking for lapsed commas in lines of code, therian awakenings while eating chicken, the most profound realizations about what you so needed in your life while sitting in a virtual world, as virtual critters, talking to real people.
So many ways my life has changed, all so mundane. For someone who spent so many years, so much energy searching for me, the diamond compressed by decades of pressure into perfection, only to dance through self after self, mask after mask, performance after performance, to land on characters and roles and plays, but not me, revelation came as mundanity too. I wasn’t masks and costumes, stories and makeup- like mascara in a hot shower, love and time and simple proximity to wonderful friends melted it all away- revealing the Fey beneath to be simple, plain, goofy… happy.
“Just a skunk” I say, like that doesn’t carry weight. It’s metaphor and motif still, being black and white, simple and toddling, kind and stubborn, but now it’s not metaphors for what should be- it’s simply what is. I am a goofy laugh, a passionate series of fixations, a stubborn morality, a big, tender heart. I’m holding down smiling emote buttons in VR until my fingers are sore so people know how much I’m doing the same behind a headset, I’m apologizing when I speak over someone, I’m checking that my big, goofy tail isn’t in the way- or feeling warm when it is and it’s a delight.
I’m hurt, I’m scared, I’m too loud and make jokes that don’t always land and I can’t say things without relating my own experience, but these things aren’t stakes through me, wounds bleeding me- they’re statements of What Are, things I know, I understand, I accept, and I try, gently and kindly, to improve every day.
Simple. Mundane. Pop-tarts and fried chicken and lines of code.
The whole of Fey. Aren’t they a wonderfully simple beast?
I think so.
💖🦨✈️
