makyo

Author, Beat Sabreuse, Skunks

Recovering techie with an MFA, working on like a kajillion writing projects at once. Check out the Post-Self cycle, Restless Town, A Wildness of the Heart, ally, and a whole lot of others.


Trans/nb, queer, polyam, median, constantly overwhelmed.


Current hyperfixation: SS14


Skunks&:

⏳ Slow Hours | 🪔 Beholden
🫴 Hold My Name | ✨ Motes
🌾 Rye | ★ What Right Have I
🌱 Dry Grass | ⚖️ True Name
🌺 May Then My Name

Icon by Mot, header by @cupsofjade

posts from @makyo tagged #post-self

also:

A night on the town. A bar for an aperitif. A light dinner at a modern restaurant, one of those places with default sensoria settings that turn up the taste inputs and turn down the visual inputs, so that we eat intensely delicious food amidst a thick, Eigengrau fog. Another bar, livelier and less painfully modern, for a digestif.

Crowds. Crowds upon crowds. Our own crowd a cell within a supercrowd. Instances drifting, or perhaps forced by momentum — theirs or others’ — along the thoroughfares of a nexus.

A low-slung building, a crowded foyer, fumbling for tickets.

And then, a decision. You know what? Never mind, my dear. We can always go see Dear be impressively itself. We have a standing invitation to every one of its exhibitions, even if only as audience rather than participant. We are closer to it than most, yes?

And so we head instead to a club. We dance a while, we drink rather a lot. We pick up some more extreme intoxicants off the exchange, something more akin to pot but with a touch more energetic body feel to counteract the impending heaviness of the alcohol.

And then we ditch the club and go for pizza. Not good pizza, mind, but shitty, greasy pizza, the kind that sits in the stomach like a stone. We get it to go, two huge slices, and decide on a park sim, somewhere where it always looks like it has just rained, where the night is dark and the streetlights a golden yellow, reflecting placidly off puddles and wet pavement.

And perhaps we turn down the intensity of the intoxication, just to half of what it was. Enough that we can stay floaty but not truly inebriated, and perhaps I hum little snippets of music to you, conducting with my finger as though that will better portray my intent.

And then home to our shared bed.

(Art by @roxannarachnid)




hamratza
@hamratza
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makyo
@makyo
OOC

Hhhhh fuck. Big feelings with plural undertones.

I read this aloud on a call with @hamratza and started crying at the end. It is wonderfully written, yes, but this is something that has played out in roleplay. This is something that feels like lived experience. The pain is palpable in a very real way. Such is the way of noemata...

Yesterday, after spending a while talking on a bench in a lazy park, she said, "Walk me home, please," and of course I did. It is so often me who hears "Please, take me home." It is so often me who is confronted with A Finger Pointing's age.

We are the same age, yes? We are both of Michelle Hadje, yes? We were both born in 2086, we both uploaded in 2117, we both lived latent in that one mind. Yes, she was forked first. Yes, I was forked from her some years later. I am precisely as old as she is in a very fundamental way.

But I am also not. I have been the same 32 for centuries, now. 32 by numbers, of course; I have been many different people as my identity and the way in which I move through the world as evolved, but I still feel 32.

My love does not.

I have had to learn a new way to love. I have had to keep an eye on just how rambunctious I am with her. She has asked me explicitly not to stop, but...well, some weeks back we lay in bed and, when I clutched at her in the heat of the moment, she pulled back in pain and overstimulation and began to cry, and then I began to cry for this unintentional pain I had caused to someone so dear, and our third was left in baffled panic.

Her world will dissolve around her and I will take her gently by the arm to bring her to the couch or our bed and I will make her tea or sit beside her in kind-but-fretful silence or go lay down on the couch in my music room for an hour.

Do not get me wrong, I remain absolutely head-over-heels for this woman. I am going nowhere. I will always be by her side.

But on those nights or afternoons or mornings when she speaks of the sudden and painless kiss of death, when she clenches her eyes shut and the blanket is too heavy, when even my presence is too overstimulating and I go and lay down on my couch, I am at my most exhausted.



makyo
@makyo
BinaryVixen899
@BinaryVixen899 asked:

Serene,

If you can pick a favorite, which landscape that you have designed is yours?

Spoiler level: none

Serene; Sustained And Sustaining:

I created a swamp some time ago. It is quite boggy and wet, with open water, banyan trees, and patches of what look like solid ground, but which are actually patches of water grasses that cannot support the weight of a person. Winding throughout it is a rotting wooden bridge-path that ducks between the trees and leads from patch to patch of those grasses, all but inviting you to step off and sink down to your waist in brackish and algae-slimed water.

It was quite poorly received — too many bugs, too poor a smell, too hot and muggy — and for that, I am deeply in love with it. This reception means that I am wildly successful in what I set out to do. I, haver of fur, am mostly immune to the bugs, and I can turn down my sensorium to deal with the scent, but I love walking between the trees, squatting on the rickety path and poking through the grasses, watching the gar and caimans float idly by.

What can I say? I am a sucker for so imperfect a land.


makyo
@makyo

This swamp shows up in Marsh, and here are some of the inspirations from it from a place I visited daily some years back.



makyo
@makyo

Second half of the drive today. I imagine I will be getting further panoramas.


makyo
@makyo

Made it to Little America in WY


makyo
@makyo

Made it to Fort Collins, our destination. For those who have read Qoheleth, this is where

Mild spoilerCarter meets AwDae.