Madison Rye Progress

Spoiler level: inconsequential — early Toledot

If I Dream Am I No Longer Myself:

I think I have mentioned before that my down-tree instance forked when she started to grow wary of the direction her stanza was heading. Since then, I have indulged in people watching. I am pretty good at forking into different forms but other than that? I do not know. I am a very boring person. I do not know enough to get back into the spying game. I do not know enough to get into instance artistry. I like food, but I am a truly terrible cook.

A lot of what looks like specialization is merely a hyperfixation expression of our neurodivergence. I stepped away from this observing hyperfixation and am now rudderless on the System. I am not unhappy, I suppose, but neither am I happy. What has my life amounted to? What do I have to show for the space I take up on Lagrange? I do not know.

In the end, I have had to do my best to come to terms with being middling. I do not always succeed. Some days, it is all I can do to take joy in a really tasty sandwich, and some days I do not even manage that. Finding joy where one can is about all one has on the System.

Spoiler level: inconsequential — late Qoheleth, late Toledot, mid Nevi'im

Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled:

There are, perhaps, two readings of this. If you mean Codrin and myself switching places, and you are wondering what it would be like for me to date an Odist as a non-Odist, I think I would find myself maddening, and I would have dropped myself years ago. It is perhaps uncomfortable to admit, but there is no small amount of self-loathing in me. I have spent my time in a relationship with another Odist — my close cross-tree instance Serene — and...well. I love her dearly, but she puts rather a fine point on all of the things that I loathe in myself, sometimes.

If, however, you mean me switching places with May Then My Name and being in a relationship with Ioan, then, my dear, you have no idea how eager I would be to corrupt that poor, innocent soul, especially as ey is now. The Ioan who became Codrin was of a very specific type, but this Ioan? The one that May Then My Name has tainted? Oh, how delicious that would be!

May Then My Name Die With Me:

Similar to Dear, I shall answer each in turn. If you mean me switching places with Ioan as ey is now, then I do not think much would change. I have absolutely ruined em for a life alone, and I think that ey would feel quite out of sorts if I were not around, just as I feel quite out of sorts when ey is not around. That said, I cannot ignore what happens when I overflow. Ey does not like it when I dissolve into tears and ask em to leave me alone for days at a time. It is a thing I dislike about myself, but am hopeless before. I think that it would hurt me far more to experience it from the other side. I think that I would...well. I think we would risk a feedback loop of tears, and there would be days afterwards when we would struggle.

If you mean me switching with Dear...well, I like Codrin plenty. I think ey is lovely in many of the same ways that Ioan is. That said, I do not think that ey is necessarily my type, especially as ey is now, having been ruined by Dear. Could I love em? Of course! I do love em. But could we be in a relationship? I do not think so.

Spoiler level: none

Hold My Name Beneath Your Tongue And Know:

If You Get Her Flowers, She Will Cry

(Jen Durbent's "10 simple rules for dating a trans girl")

Which Gives Heat And Warmth In Fire: (@hamratza)

Ray Of Light And

(Halley Labs)

Time Is A Finger Pointing At Itself: (@hamratza)

Dance Unblushing

(Halley Labs)

Beholden To The Heat Of The Lamps:

If You Got A Bone To Pick With Time, We Got A Score To Settle Too

(Bent Knee's "Bone Rage")

Where It Watches The Slow Hours Progress:

Senmova Kaj Ĉiam Ŝanĝiĝema

(Madison Scott-Clary's "Numeno")

Spoiler level: none

For They, Knowing Not, Provide Life In Death:

This is perhaps cheating, as I do not think this is in any way a subversive opinion, but "Pacific Rim". It was quite high budget, but it was also overwrought, terrible, and incredibly stupid. Oldie, as they say, but goldie.