lately I've been plagued by nostalgia and wanderlust. more than usual, I mean - they've been increasingly common feelings over the past several years. I keep wanting to just walk away from everything - map the whole of Chicago and its suburbs with my footsteps, or wander off into the wilderness, and then I remind myself "well, if you actually did that it would suck and you'd probably run out of money and die," so I don't.
it's worse in summer, I think, for two reasons. the first is that summer makes me depressed. I don't like what it does to my body, I don't like the bright sunlight, I don't like the flies and mosquitoes, I don't like how late the sun sets. but the second is that it's something of a reminder of summer vacations lost, you know? as much as being a kid sucked ass, I hate that vacation is something I have to actively carve out for myself now. it's not right. people need more rest than that, especially once they no longer have the boundless energy of childhood.
anyway. I hope autumn comes soon, because autumn suits me better. cloudy mornings, rainy afternoons, the way the air I breathe starts to feel thicker and richer. but autumn makes me nostalgic about different things, so I imagine I'll still feel sad about stuff. I'll certainly still want to quit my job and run off to explore a city I've never been to. I guess that's just what life is like, though.