making and teaching music | @infloresce co-runner | they/them | dm or email for business inquiries: miles.morkri@gmail.com | pfp by bern


after 'ventifact' came out, i became extremely depressed. i finally started feeling more like a human just this week. working so hard on something this personal for so long, only to then stop completely was terrible for my brain. after release, i felt like i couldn't write anything for myself. i had a some clients backlogged so i was able to work and finish those for about a week post-release. as soon as i finished those up, the Big Sad dragged me into the dark void that is imposter syndrome and self-hate.

i was having some very dark and disturbing thoughts in September-October. i hated myself for no good reason. in those moments, having a group of friends (online and irl) to fall back on was extremely important and got me through the worst of it. thanks to all the folks who like me enough to listen to my complaints.

i present myself online as a very upbeat and positive person, but it is good to be completely open and honest sometimes for my own benefit. i will continue being a force for good and positivity in this online hellscape. forgive my sad thoughts just this once!

during this time, i had quite a few peers and colleagues tell me "oh, it sounds like you're burnt out", and i would reply "no i don't think so." folks, listen to your friends. if i would have acknowledged that what i was experiencing was burnout, it would have made the healing process much easier. for better or worse, the brain craves a label.

from a music educator's perspective, i want to use this whole experience to teach my students and wider online world about the toll being a creative can take on you. take breaks! have fun! go outside! listen to other music other than your own (please)! eat a good meal! take care of yourself. burnout is painfully real and weighs heavily on the soul. i'm glad i'm still here, and that i was able to learn something through it all.

i listened to this album for the first time since release this past weekend and i think it's pretty special. even being able to say that is a big step forward. i had forgotten what each track sounded like. encountering them again was a nice, delightful surprise.

closing thoughts:

being a full-time music professional is incredibly weird. monetizing and building a career based solely in creativity is perhaps the worst thing you can do for your mental health, and yet, i wouldn't have it any other way.


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in reply to @miles's post:

sorry to hear, depression really is a frustrating thing to deal with. while your approach may be to continue presenting as happy and optimistic, for me that's hard so i often just become a shut-in and not talk to many ppl

miles ilu!!!! a thing i’ve been trying to teach myself this year is that ‘my friends feel the same way about me that i feel about them’. and what i feel about you is that i will always want to listen to your feelings and thoughts and complaints! nothing is too small or too dark. i love your presence in my life no matter how you’re feeling or where you’re at. and i’m proud of you and glad to hear things are a little better now!! you have made incredible art and you will do so again. but also ya gotta chill and be brainless with friends in between

<3 oh wow i love you lots. honestly, building gundam together while quietly listening to WWDITS in the background the other day was the perfect night and i'd like to do that more often with you