i think we kind of dislike jokes about how rare trans girl tops are or that there's a "top shortage"
as someones who contain toppy elements, it makes us feel like a rare resource that should be rationed out and it makes us feel guilty for not topping, and that really sucks and makes us feel burned out. it's just an extremely depersonalizing meme.
there's also the part where a lot of people haven't worked things out, so the tops who've been around longer are a little wary. For a long time I only dated other tops because I had so many experiences with either:
- cryptically erratic desires (in terms of what was wanted any given time, but never communicated well, no matter how much we tried)
- people wanting to offload as many life decisions as possible onto a partner in the case of bdsm topping.
- usually with very little relationship experience outside of this dynamic so it's just taken as their role
and eventually you just, get tired of gambling. this is a little better in the 30s bracket, but hrt causing everyone, at any age, to go through puberty still causes issues there.
top-top relationships often end up being co-op sex but sooooooo many of the other relationships are very imbalanced in terms of scene workload.
if someone jokes about a top shortage and are even the least bit serious, that's a big red flag because it shows they can't see the dynamic playing out. there's a lot of tops (hi) but even making ourselves known often gets people fawning incessantly (with wildly high standards because tops are apparently mythical now).
no one's obligated to a top. you don't need one to thrive, either.
