mira

i do miss having strong kin/therian feelings. the period of my life where i most definitively Was A Dragon (and also for interrelated reasons, A Girl) was under such a massively different set of social, emotional, physical, and hormonal conditions that i can't really just like, try to put myself back in that position. i don't have the estrogen coursing through my veins amplifying every emotional sensation i feel, i don't have the same network of romantic and found-family relationships reaffirming my non-humanity. if i want to grasp onto that again i have to find some other source from which to draw it and i don't know what, if anything, that source is. my relationship with my self and my flesh and the world are just so radically different than they were in 2017, so something being a fundamental part of my understanding of self then just doesn't give it that much sway in the present. but i really would like to find an anchoring like that again. being able to summon a phantom tail was fun