difficult identity problems
I've had some sort of borderline personality behavior all through my life, likely a part of my autism. this manifests as a powerful and unfounded confidence in adopting some new component of my self-identity because I get bored of the person I am from time to time
I had gender identity thoughts here and there for a few years, up until last year where a dream caused me to have a sudden onset of gender insecurity. my friends were nice enough to indulge me trying this out for a while, until it quickly fizzled out and seemed to be another borderline episode
it keeps hitting me for a few days almost every week though. I'm not confident if it represents some self-truth, a sexual fantasy pretending to be something deeper, or my mind seeking out new temporary personalities to embody
I brought it up to my therapist once, and she said that I might be getting distracted by stray thoughts. it's tough to figure out what to take away from that
my current plan is to try and design a female OC to see how it makes me feel, and then talk to a specialist only if the desire lingers for at least two weeks