i got really, really badly desensitized to death due to a mix of how my childhood went and how being a fag with trans friends prior to the past ~8 years fairly universally went.
it's been a while, and a very close friend has recently passed, and we've just received news about it. there is grief. i didn't know i could feel this anymore.
rest in peace, raze. there's nothing to say publicly about this right now, which i could word in appropriate respect.