CAST
- SAMWISE, the office goofball.
- GERTRUDE, the no-nonsense one, and a giant squid.
- FLANNIGAN, the superstar employee.
- THE SEVERED HEAD OF A SCREAM LORD IN A DUFFLE BAG, the last of their kind.
ACT I
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE, MORNING. TWO FLESH-REAVERS ARE GATHERED BY A WATER COOLER.
SAMWISE: …So I told him that if he wanted one, he’d have to get it himself.
GERTRUDE: Classic! So did—oh, Flan!
FLANNIGAN ENTERS. A MUFFLED RUCKUS IS AUDIBLE.
FLANNIGAN (A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY): Greetings of the flesh, my kin.
SAMWISE AND GERTRUDE CURTSY
GERTRUDE: Do you hear that?
FLANNIGAN: Yes.
SAMWISE: Hear what?
GERTRUDE: It sounds like someone screaming in a duffle bag?
FLANNIGAN: Yes.
SAMWISE: Oh, I hear it now. What is that?
FLANNIGAN: It is the severed head of one of the Scream Lords—in a duffle bag. For reimbursement.
SAMWISE AND GERTRUDE NOD SAGELY. THEY TOO KNOW THE EXQUISITE SUFFERING OF THE REIMBURSEMENT PIT
GERTRUDE: What’s… what’s it saying?
FLANNIGAN: I shouldn’t say.
SAMWISE: C’mooon!
SAMWISE AND GERTRUDE, SPEAKING WITH ONE SINISTER VOICE: DO NOT REFUSE US
FLANNIGAN BOBS THEIR SMOKE-WREATHED HEAD BACK AND FORTH FOR A MOMENT AND CRACKS A SMILE. HE CANNOT LEGALLY REPEL THEIR CURIOSITIES. THE DUFFEL BAG IS OPENED.
THE SEVERED HEAD OF A SCREAM LORD IN A DUFFEL BAG: WHAT’S UP GAMERS? HAPPY MUSIC FRIDAY! WHAT WAS EVERYONE’S FAVORITE SONG THEY LISTENED TO THIS WEEK? DROP A COMMENT DOWN BELOW THIS CHOST AND BE SURE TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND ENEMIES. HIT THAT BELL!
THE SEVERED HEAD OF A SCREAM LORD IN A DUFFLE BAG SUCKS IN A HUGE BREATH OF AIR
THE SEVERED HEAD OF A SCREAM LORD IN A DUFFEL BAG: WHAT’S UP GAMERS? HAPPY MUSIC F—
FLANNIGAN CLOSES THE BAG
