Hamlet: I see him, Horatio... my father...
Horatio: OMG me too! Where'd you see him?
Hamlet: In my mind's eye, obviously. What the fuck are you talking about?
Horatio: uuuuUUUUUHH
Ophelia: So my brother was telling me how much Hamlet's a fuckboy for the millionth time, and he starts talking about my "chaste treasure".
Ophelia's girlfriends: Eeeeeew! Your brother?
Ophelia: I know, right? You shouldn't even be thinking about my chaste treasure, Laertes.
Ophelia's girlfriends: Who is he to talk anyway?
Ophelia: Right? Dude is such a slut!
King Hamlet's Ghost: *two pages of bitching about how much it sucks to be dead*
King Hamlet's Ghost: oh shit morning's coming, let me finish up quick
King Hamlet's Ghost: *two more pages of bitching about how he got murked by his brother*
Polonius: Okay I'm gonna need you to take some cash and messages to my son in Paris
Reynaldo: No problem
Polonius: And, you know, spy on him a bit
Reynaldo: I was planning on it already
Polonius: Say you know his family, say you've met him...
Reynaldo: Can do
Polonius: Maybe make up some mean lies about him, nothing too nasty
Reynaldo: I can call him a gamer
Polonius: Exactly, and a drunken foul-mouthed slut, that sort of thing
Reynaldo: That seems a bit harsh
Polonius: Don't worry about it
any British filmed production of Hamlet that doesn't stunt cast Gary Oldman and Tim Roth as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern gets demerits in my book
