nicky flowers

ah, you got caught

https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/a_hit_dog_will_holler

see the thing about complaining about someone without directly talking about them is that its a zero-sum game. confronting someone you dont have a relationship with, especially in public, doesnt actually get you closer to your end goal (i.e. them not doing the thing being complained about anymore); they either get really defensive (due to the factors of "confrontation" + "public") or they play PR and just give a nothing apology where they're basically like "well im not going to change my behavior but maybe i'll choose my audience more carefully so i dont get stinky reactions" etc. the only real useful options are You just gotta be like "eh its not my business" and live your own life and figure out how not to be bothered by things you have no control over, or you can befriend someone enough that you can pull them aside in public and be like "hey you kinda bring negative energy wherever you go and like you're totally allowed to do that and that's fine but also people are kinda uncomfortable around you due to the aforementioned negative energy, and i didnt know if you were aware of that and i wanted to tell you because i think you'd want to know" etc and they'll actually listen to that, because they are your friend and you love them. a rebuke from someone who loves me actually means something because i know they're trying to see the best in me, and sometimes im just annoying and mean and i need someone who loves me to set me straight once in a while. a rebuke from a rando or a hater means less than nothing because it just makes me assume they're a miserable person who fulfills their basic human need of agency via controlling situations by being negative or confrontational. anyway sorry for all the text, thats why i think vagueposting as a practice is a predominantly negative way to interact with a community. thank you.