maddie

Thank you for sharing this account 💛

im glad youre still here with us!

i had a much milder but similar experience combining birth control and modafanil. it seems unlikely that you're on that too, but i thought i'd mention it just in case. i'm so sorry you went through that without warning.

omg that sucks, so glad ur feeling better now! havent had suicidal thoughts as seriously as that before...

fuck, i hope everythings calming down on your end, and that it stays calm. mood swings are def a thing on dose changes but yeah that sounds... woof.

[hug]

You're doing amazingly friend 💜

❤️‍🩹

fuck maddie, im so sorry, it really is so so rough <3 fwiw, it's real that changing dosages often does result in a lot of sudden emotional turmoil, but def be cautious about cypro specifically too! when i started cypro a little over a year ago, i was suddenly really suicidal for like a month straight. but it wasn't the same kind of suicidal that i have felt in the past and would feel in the future, and that really confused me. i couldn't tell why i felt so intensely about it when at the time, my life was in a much better spot than it had been every time id felt it before. then suddenly after 1 month it just stopped which confused me even more? i was hanging out with some friends later and one of them is a trans woman i don't get to hang out with very often, and when i told her i started cypro she got super exasperated and talked about how intense cypro is and how much it makes you depressed and suicidal and that it's so strong you've really gotta be only on like a quarter of a pill cause more than that is too much. i hadn't mentioned anything about my experiences with it yet, but it checked out? i was/am on a quarter of a pill (12.5mg) and it was really really potent. i have to cut my own pills into quarters and sometimes i fuck up and some pieces are a lot bigger than others and they're kinda scary to take. i think i've posted abt it before, but every night before bed i take my hormones and i look at my cypro and go "hmmm how fucked up do i want to be tomorrow" and try and choose piece size based on how similar in size it was to the one id taken the night before, and how big it is in general, cause even just the fluctuations in size can set me up for a mild to fairly bad time. the external stresses don't make it easier either. i haven't changed my e dosages since starting cypro, but id imagine youre right that it's probably a combination of both of them. im glad the swings are gone now, hopefully they don't come back and future dosage changes treat you more kindly <3

🫂

Really is a shame it's not talked about more, and honestly, it's probably for the same reason it's rarely brought up in relation to the first puberty outside of trans communities - it happens to relatively few people. That being said, hormones are so fucked up, and are always felt in the brain first. It took me a long while for the estradiol-induced swings to steady out, but unfortunately, I didn't have the coping mechanisms to properly stabilize until after I left an inpatient clinic. I'm glad you had some coping mechanisms already, and I hope you spaking about this helps other people prepare for or otherwise deal with when they go through the worst period of HRT.