maddie

I've been working up the courage to post this. I don't really like being perceived--if at all--but what pushed me over the edge was the fact that there are so few Asian trans timelines. And it hurts because for some people there's a critical mass of before/after pics they need to see before they say, "...maybe I can do it too." And while I may not be pretty in that second photo like all the other twitter girls, you can at least see that I'm happier.

That counts for something. It must.

I can't go back in time to tell myself that it's going to be okay. Even if I did, she wouldn't believe it. The pain simply hurts too much. When people say "HRT saved my life" there's a gravitas to that statement that often goes unnoticed and an aftermath that must be handled, because it only starts saving your life. You still have to do the rest...and I almost didn't. I've lost track of the amount of times I've wanted to give up. So here's my bare and simple hope: if I can reach just one person and tell them it's going to get better, everything will be worth it.

Please, stay alive. And to my dearest friends who helped me on my journey thus far, all my love. I would not be here otherwise.

1. Make post saying "I don't like being perceived"
2. Go to bed
3. Wake up
4. It's my most popular post ever

Thanks...I guess...

_{reference 1 and reference 2 and sorry for the bad hair day}

I've been working up the courage to post this. I don't really like being perceived--if at all--but what pushed me over the edge was the fact that there are so few Asian trans timelines. And it hurts because for some people there's a critical mass of before/after pics they need to see before they say, "...maybe I can do it too." And while I may not be pretty in that second photo like all the other twitter girls, you can at least see that I'm happier.

That counts for something. It must.

I can't go back in time to tell myself that it's going to be okay. Even if I did, she wouldn't believe it. The pain simply hurts too much. When people say "HRT saved my life" there's a gravitas to that statement that often goes unnoticed and an aftermath that must be handled, because it only starts saving your life. You still have to do the rest...and I almost didn't. I've lost track of the amount of times I've wanted to give up. So here's my bare and simple hope: if I can reach just one person and tell them it's going to get better, everything will be worth it.

Please, stay alive. And to my dearest friends who helped me on my journey thus far, all my love. I would not be here otherwise.

EHUEHUEHUEHUE SNORT HUEHUE SNORT

YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

FROTDOG COMPLETE

Okay, I didn't eat both. The other one was for my flatmate and we're on very good terms, so she doesn't mind me playing with her food.

In terms of the subdog, it's not great. The dog itself is fine, I guess, but the main problem actually is the fact that it's using subway bread and there's a reason why people use softer hotdog buns instead. Also, the marketing photo puts the toppings on top (hue) but in reality, it's all shoved under the dog so it doesn't fall off when you try to eat it.

...My stomach hurts a bit after eating it. 😞

EDIT: it is an hour later after leaving this post in drafts and I have a splitting headache.

This isn't the first time I've been to Cocoa Wilds, I came here about two months ago with all my Australian friends just to try the marshmallow rim hot chocolate that's plastered all over Instagram and there's probably a thousand cafes out there that do it now.

Last time, I got the 70% Specialty Hot Choc:

It was a bit disappointing. I didn't feel the marshmallow rim added much, though I wasn't that big a fan of marshmallows to begin with, and the chocolate blend, while done in that trademark steam wand style, failed to capture me. It felt like a fad and nothing more.

I arrived at 8:30 am; a lot earlier than I expected and I even dallied in the nearby park. I had made the common assumption that--oh, it's just New Zealand. Nobody lines up for anything, it's not like I'm in Melbourne or Taiwan or Japan--and the place only opens at 9 am anyway.

This was the line when I got there:

It more than doubled behind me by the time the store opened.

By 9:30 am, I finally got mine (I did manage to squeeze into the first 100, so it was free!). A little jaunt later to get to a private space (they were still filming Instagram promos outside and being perceived remains one of my top three fears in life), I got to try it.

I'm a big fan of matcha. But I hate things that are too sweet, ergo I strongly dislike white chocolate.

This is a white choc hot choc. And I like it.

There's something about the texture here that's thick and smooth. And even though it was white chocolate, the sweetness wasn't sickening. I tasted no bitter notes, though personally I would've liked the matcha itself to be heavier and more interesting like the ones I had in Uji. And the marshmallow--well, I had fun today. Guess I'm learning to play with my food as well.

Is it possible I'm biased because I had to wait outside for a whole hour? Probably? But I'm very used to lining up for incredibly mediocore things. I waited 2 hours for the worst lobster roll of my life. Melbourne had me chilling in the cold for 1.5 hours just to get noodles and a drumstick. I also spent 45 mins sweating in the sun for a curry bread near Shinanomachi and to this day, I don't know what that particular hubbub was about.

But this one? This one was good. I liked it.