noahtheduke

take data in change it push it out

cis - straight - white - 30 or 40 years old
clojure programmer
living in the shadow of grief


nothing remains forever empty


Profile pic commissioned from @ICELEVEL


i'm not doing a good job and we can't see an occupational therapist until july.

my 4 year old probably has sensory processing disorder and adhd, she's self-confident and precocious but lacking in any real world experiences, and she triggers me nearly every day like i'm living at home with my dad. (that's another story for another day.)


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in reply to @noahtheduke's post:

this is an oblique strategy (and i'm not a parent) but: if you're not, consider getting therapy. i only say this because my wife is a therapist who works with a lot of young autistic adults and she regularly mentions that they would be so much better off if their parents were able to better regulate their own emotions

i did like 5 years of therapy before having kids, but covid and then kids stopped that and i haven't been back since 2019. thankfully, i'm not to the point of yelling at her, raging or screaming or breaking things like my dad did, just a lot of internal pain and letting it roll over me like i'm caught in a wave.

If you can find a good parenting class, take it. The one my spouse and I took was organized by the preschool, and we still use some of those techniques a decade later.

One big lesson was that kids will do almost anything for attention from their parents, and if misbehaving is the only way to get attention that’s what they’ll do. So it’s really important as parents to find ways to give our kids positive attention, so we’re reinforcing the behaviors we want not the ones we don’t want.