the reason some of my games take a really long time is because i get into a state where the thought of doing any single task in development feels so overwhelming that i can't move. i can't think. i can't figure out what to do and can't make any progress. so i have to wait until something suddenly clicks and my brain works again. that's how it feels. i've been doing this for a long time, and this is the pattern. it feels very bad to try to work on a schedule, because i will unexpectedly run into these blocks and not be able to make the progress i know i otherwise could be making, and i feel very bad about it.
i say this because, currently i have overcome one of those blocks and i've been making a bunch of random progress :) it always feels REALLY GOOD when this happens, and i wish i could just work like this all the time, because it's fun for me to make games. i feel frustrated and sad when things aren't clicking like that, because i assume it must be something i'm not doing right (not eating enough, not taking good enough care of myself, not taking enough breaks). i don't know, i was surprised the other day when someone said they admired how productive i am. this year hasn't felt very productive at all because i haven't finished a lot of the things i planned on doing, and i have a lot of self-imposed deadlines looming.
i'm trying to worry less about these things. it doesn't get easier, but today is a good day :)
