novameow

cheddar that worked too many long hours down in the mines

Pressure cook the cheese in a higher gravity environment?

cheddar but stored in the box from primer

Alcohol-infused cheddar containing more alcohol than cheddar

Have you seen Primer?

I like things like "aged at least 13 months" like are you not sure how long? Maybe they found a bunch of old cheese in a warehouse and all they could tell from the poor records was it had to have been there at least 13 months and bingo new label claim!

cheddar that just woke up from cryosleep and is technically 10 years old and over 600 years old at the same time

cheddar that has been given tea stains and slightly burned at the edges to give a more rustic, aged look

A better question is what's unnaturally aged cheddar? (I can't read.)

Time-traveling cheddar?
Cheddar with post-traumatic stress?
Cheddar that works in retail?

cheddar that I cast dark magic on so it ages 7 hour for every second it exists

cheddar that smokes cigarettes and doesnt drink enough water

I'd read (and/or eat) The Cheddar of Dorian Gray.

actual answer: if i recall correctly, cheddar that isn't naturally aged just has stuff added to it that would be produced in it as part of the aging process, resulting in a similar taste to aged cheddar without having to let it age

Cheddar that they put in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

Can't be cheddar that was accelerated to relativistic speeds, that would make it younger.

Cheddar that has been around longer than a kind god would have intended. Cheddar with a lifespan extended via artificial means, which is slowly starting to become something else. Something Wrong. Something Unnatural. Cheddar which has no mouth, yet it must scream.

cheddar that is cursed by Benjamin Buttons