the hangman: at any point in the game, get out of your chair, squat down, and place your fingers on the edge of the table acting like you're about to fall. this is a great Table Cut-Up that will endear you to everyone else at your table
golden oldie: go all in every hand. this is the newest shit anyone ever thought of you'll be rich. you'll be rich like ritchie rich's nativist grandparents.
the wild hunt: "do you guys wanna hear my idea for a public domain winnie the pooh story?"
eat 'em up: start eating your own poker chips. then, start eating other player's chips. split in two along the center for extra flavor. yum!
the mad bomber: when winning a hand, act like you lost, and vice versa. really go for it. hit other players when you knock them out. nobody will know what to do wiht you
the "could it be?!": during a lull, point over the dealer's shoulder and yell "MECHA FIDEL CASTROOOO" at the top of your lungs. somebody at your table will buy it. while they're distracted, pull over to the shoulder and turn on your hazard lights to indicate you are a potential liability to other drivers.
castling: during the showdown, discretely remove your shoes and place the balls of your feet against the dealer's knees. this will signify to the dealer that you want to be violently killed after the game, win or lose
the grant morrison: during the showdown, substitute your least favored card with The Tower from the major arcana. play that one card and excuse yourself as calamity unfolds. then, make DC comics way too much money and try to keep it together as geoff johns starts ripping off all alan moore's stuff instead of yours
the talented mr. ripley: during the showdown, start signing the bridge from Kiss From A Rose. this serves no purpose, i just want to hear that song in public more
