• he/him

Dad; software engineer; fan of giant robots in many contexts, board games, RPGs. Queer rights are not negotiable. Halifax, NS


alyaza
@alyaza
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alyaza
@alyaza
This page's posts are visible only to users who are logged in.

npilon
@npilon

Death: Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and THEN show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet... you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world.

Phobes: but you mean except for gender right? That’s empirical and fundamental right?

Death: no.


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in reply to @alyaza's post:

in reply to @alyaza's post:

I think part of the reason for it is that some people just have a basic, personality-rooted need for order, clarity, and structure, and it may not have anything to do with any kind of phobia or judgment, but rather, they just want to have "objective" sources of truth they can rely on to tell them who they are so that they can feel safe.

I mean, hell, I feel like that. I have internalized homophobia / enbyphobia out the wazoo and constantly struggle with the feeling that I'm not a real man, but I'm definitely not a woman either, so I'm just some kind of... thing. And I know a lot of enbies revel in thing-ness but I don't, actually, lol, I feel dysphoria in every direction at once when I think too hard about my gender, like it's all incomprehensible madness and lies and like I'm going crazy.

I imagine truscum have similar fears instilled in them from society and just from a need, possibly rooted in their whole sense of self and not externally imposed at all, to feel Okay and Valid and Normal. And honestly, I think that fear, itself, is valid. I don't want to stop questioning what my gender means or feeling like I could be faking it all. I need to question that in order to get closer to a full understanding of who I really am.

The flaw in truscum, perhaps, is that they accept easy answers instead of taking their discomfort as evidence of a trail to follow, of a need emerging from deep inside themselves to seek a clearer understanding of their own identity and how it relates to other people.