the CT results needed for facial gender surgery were returned today and I got to see the images, and there is something so weirdly cathartic about seeing my deepest insecurities in an objective clinical context. Like. I see a few cm of bone there that shouldn't be there, it's not a face and not my face, but it is, but it isn't, it's just bone that should be removed. All of the baggage or value statements or gender pain I feel towards my face was dropped as I see in black and white contrast exactly what it is that I hate.
medicalizing my insecurities and dysphoria defangs it so much. like yeah no it's okay and normal to feel this way. It will get treated, and if insurance denies it then that's fine, this doesn't weigh on me as much. This is a broken bone or upset stomach, not an intractable flaw
fucking weird as hell seeing the inside of your skull is all haha