okay does this with an evil nature
- What's your dream EVIL LAIR
as much as secrecy would be the practical approach for a budding villain, i've never been able to resist how sexy a private island lair would be. an access point in the heart of a totally deserted landmass that provides entry to a massive underground expanse with sleek steel-gray interior design. i'm talking some syndrome from the incredibles type shit. declare that thing on your tax forms as something trivial, like a minigolf course or whatnot. it's flashy enough that you might risk drawing some attention, but still remote enough that you're probably not getting any girl scouts knocking on the front door.
as for the entrance itself, i want all kinds of hazards to any who may try to intrude and interrupt my evil machinations. probably just recordings of wild animal growls at the door to ward off any run-of-the-mill bothers who stumble by on silly business like "help, my boat washed up on the shore" or "hey, where do i pick up my minigolf clubs." but for anyone more determined, i think a classic sort of death trap would suffice. a pit of hot coals between the first and second doors, with a massive panel of different colored buttons. you get five tries to press the right button; after that, the pistons in the walls activate and crush you without warning. this is in no way based on any minecraft projects i've ever created.
the interior would have my personal chambers, just a cute homey living space where i can do all my regular business on my off days ^_^ and then one of the windows would look out over the lab floor where all my brilliantly sinister creations are stored so i could gaze upon them and have a good cackle every morning. then i'd have my planning room, the wing where i keep my various modes of transport, my storage space, and of course the cells where i can keep all my enemies from bothering me. there would also be escape pods, so that if my base was ever under true threat of destruction i could escape with the artifact (<???). one pod would be airborne, allowing me to avoid the threat of the sea, but the other would indeed be waterborne, depositing me out from below the island's surface. on a side note, i could do with an upgrade, so if anybody has recommendations for companies that produce really high quality and reliable submarines, let me know :-) <oh i haven't done that emoticon on cohost yet he looks so polite!
- Write a MANIFESTO about whatever's on your mind
- there is none greater than i
- i am so cool and cute also
- pretzels are a good snack for girls
- if you're a bad driver that's one thing but if you brag about being a bad driver i think you might just be an asshole
- there's no such thing as the boogeyman
- if there WAS such a thing as the boogeyman he would be unkillable so don't even worry about it
- pray every day even if it's not to any sort of deity because it will help you conceptualize what's most important to you
- post about your ocs as much as possible and be pretentious about the things you create
- enough people have tried eating dog food at this point that you don't need to do it also
- listen to cds, if you want idk
- CDs nuts LOL
- never apologize for anything
- assume you are right at all times
- isolate yourself from the rest of the world, you'll feel better
- lie for fun and profit
- betray anyone at the first opportunity
- break things when you're upset, especially if they don't belong to you
- shoplift <out of character that one's real
notes: writing this, i'm so very reminded of a book i absolutely adored as a child, called "vordak the incomprehensible: how to grow up and RULE THE WORLD." this is one of those things where i don't know how popular this was so i don't know the degree to which it requires explanation, but it was this delightful little book, of which i still have my very-busted-up copy, written from the perspective of the titular character, a dorky, comical supervillain (think of the style in which dr. doofenshmirtz is presented - and additionally cease to wonder why i liked the book so much :3) who is teaching a reader character (ostensibly whoever is reading the book, but the reader also has lines within the book? idk) how to become a supervillain, with bits of self-aware comedy mostly centering around the absurdity of adapting supervillain aesthetics into a practical, grounded, modern world.
in other notes, i was originally planning to have the manifesto section be the comically long bit of this answer, but then i wrote multiple paragraphs for the first question, so. here 👍
EVIL thankies for the EVIL asks 😈💜