my excessive empathy for inanimate objects waxes and wanes but today i'm upset to the point of tears about having to swap my phone over to the new one i've been avoiding for i think at least a month. i'm feeling a lot of regret about this, because my old phone does still work - not well, but it works. the fact that i'm putting it down for good in favor of a newer model weighs heavy on me, and my experience so far with the new phone is not doing anything to reassure me. it's loaded with tons more bloated shit from the development company than my old phone was upon first startup, the settings are difficult to navigate, the overall aesthetic is less pleasing even after some preliminary customization, just overall it's not a very impressive introduction.
i don't really blame the people who made the phone. they didn't make me buy a new phone. i was pushed to get this new device by someone close to me, but i don't blame them either. i know they're just looking out for me. it feels like it's my fault because i didn't believe in the capabilities of the old phone to last another... i don't know. maybe another year if i was really lucky? but at least another few months. am i robbing it of its potential? of the remainder of its life?
i know i'll get used to the new phone but i won't forget about the old one. but i can't think of anything useful i could do with it, either. it will just sit in my desk drawer forever, next to the phone i had before that one. these phones, when they start getting old, develop funny little quirks. with this one, i wasn't able to access the dropdown menu while in an app, only on the home screen. i had to keep the screen open at all times unless it was charging, because it would power itself off. these were inconvenient, but they were endearing. they gave the phone character, made it unique and recognizable to me. those are the kinds of things i'll remember about it.
i also know how ridiculous it can seem to have such strong feelings of empathy and grief for an inanimate object. i've been laughed at enough times to know that. but i really and truly can't help it. an object's inanimateness only means it's as vulnerable as can be. animals like us can struggle out of the grasp of those who would do us harm. an electronic can, at best, ask nicely to be spared. my old phone hasn't asked any such thing of me.
but at least i can avoid cruelty. i posted about this once before, on my tumblr, and a very nice follower of mine said to me that i could at least take solace in the knowledge that the phone and i had a productive relationship, and i'm able to take care of it in the future in a way that won't be dismissive of its importance. i have to focus on that. i'm able to give this phone a better ending than most would care to. i've put it to sleep now, and given it a comfortable spot to spend its days of slumber. may there always be appreciation and understanding between us, rather than resentment.
