cw: hypothetical death. if you're depressed or suicidal right now then skip this one.
is there a better name for this concept?
imagine you're driving down a desert highway.
a human, a squishy bag of meat and bones, in a rigid metal box, traveling hundreds of times faster than evolution could possibly have prepared you for. but it's a straight road, there's no oncoming traffic, and modern vehicles are designed to sacrifice themself to save the passenger. you'll be fine, right?
so what would happen if you closed your eyes? for a few seconds, maybe even a minute? probably nothing, at worst you'd drive onto the dirt and it would get really bumpy and snap you out of it.
so, probably nothing. but you could also flip the car and die. at any given time, you could just dissociate, and probably nothing would happen, but there's always a 1/1000 chance it goes horribly.
this is the fear I experience in every waking moment.
Chances are, if I defocus at work, I just get a worried ping or two asking if I'm "blocked" and basically nagging me to get back to work. If I'm late for the wrong project, maybe I won't get a raise or my contract won't renew and I'll have to go back to the U.S. Job Market, aka corporate hell. It won't kill me it'll just suck for a while.
Will I make a mistake in the next hour that seals my fate for the next three months?
Is today the day I roll three 1s in a row?
