wondering if the reason i'm so bitter about people praising Difficult, Antagonistic games or whatever is because i've never even been allowed to be noncompliant in my life - even at my very lowest moments i have to make sure that everyone else around me feels good, feels safe, feels appreciated. i don't get to care about what i'm going through, i'm too busy caring about how everyone else feels about what i'm going through, what they want to do with me, etc etc etc
and for some nerd to go 'yeah i get to treat you like shit because you dared to play my game dumbass' when i've had to pretend that i wasn't abused in order for people to treat me with basic dignity doesn't make any sense
i don't know. it's probably not the dev's fault? it's probably not Everyone doing this to me? but after dealing with the idea of 'i am not allowed to make people uncomfortable for even a second no matter the reason' i just can't