• they/them

a cloud between the sky

and the earth

avatar by @SweetSidhe


neocities, my main home
oriananonexistent.neocities.org/
the cohost forum test project, and wherever it goes after
eggbugstestplace.jcink.net/index.php?showuser=2
the website league once it's ready. i'll be exactly who you think i am
websiteleague.org/

oriananonexistent
@oriananonexistent

look stress causes time blindness which causes more stress which causes more time blindness and now i have six days to finish three projects. if i do them i will probably get a decent amount of money from them, plus the satisfaction of accomplishing something like this will probably help me feel better about myself, plus plus i also get to relieve a burden of tying up loose threads from a few years ago. it can be done but it will be a pain in the ass and i do not think i have the emotional capacity to do it without aid and support. so that's why i need you all to keep my energy going.

so how can you help? do one or more of the following:

  1. you know spirit bombs? like that but send me your excess focus and willpower

  2. ask me what i'm currently working on and i'll tell you! (i just finished writing two scenes of a smutty twine game, and i need to do six more today.) i may tell you in weird oblique ways, but i will tell you.

  3. tell me what you're working on today! what cool things, difficult things, necessary things, dumb things, etc are you trying to do? what have you done so far? let me know so i can use your strength to bolster mine! body doubling!

  4. give advice on how to lessen the stress of time blindness and choice paralysis in the hopes of helping me not panic due to the overwhelming feeling of never doing enough, or never using my time right (note: timers do not work for me!)

  5. draw a single tarot card or other cartomancy thing and tell me about what it means to you, and what it might mean to me.

  6. tell me you love my posts, my art, and/or me (don't actually do this last one... unless) in particular, tell me something that my art or posts or whatever made you feel, helped you understand, or where it may have took your mind, and what you think impacts you the most

  7. an elaborate rp comment telling me how you'd massage all the soreness out of my shoulders

  8. just be present and welcoming

  9. when i finish something for the day, help me cool down and refocus, so i'm not just in high energy mode all the time

🌦️- ori



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in reply to @oriananonexistent's post:

hey, your art is super cool! i'm really happy to have commissioned you for a piece -- the vibes there are so dreamy and foggy and filled with a sense of inarticulable longing

also, i've started doing little one hour music battles where a theme is presented and participants have an hour to submit an audio file to match the prompt! normally i hate competition but zero-stakes competition feels nice and it's a way to get into a Community of chiptune folks

thank you for telling me that. i appreciate having made that piece for you, it was a fun one.

i tend to shy away from competition too. it's good that you've found a form of it that works for you, and lets you make a lot of sweet music with people. if your competitors are up for it maybe you could turn the post competition moment into a collab by remixing your song with some of theirs if there are any that would fit.

hello!!! i don't think i've ever actually said it but you are one of my favourite artists on this site. i'm thrilled with the commissioned piece and want to try and write something based on it.

what's next up for you to work on? i'm in the process of looking through a bunch of poem drafts from the last few years and trying to edit them towards a collection. early days on that and one of my main challenges is that i feel a lot of them have a strong vibe but aren't clear enough in what they're saying. so playing around with expanding / reducing things to see if i can find the core.

also thank you for your kind message, i had dropped offline partly due to having a nice time on holiday and then was laying low a bit afterwards, so all ok.

thank you for the kind words and it is so nice to hear from you! and i can't wait to see what you write based on the piece (if the text fits feel free to slam it straight onto the image)

what am i working on today? same thing as yesterday, a collection of erotic magic vignettes that i need to finish by tuesday. also i need to update a visual novel and put together an art collection, which may or may not happen today but also needs to be done by tuesday

My favourite tarot card is the Nine of Swords. Because I have had nights like that. Well, I don't have a large sword collection, yet, but it is a common feeling. The card says so much. People want to spin it into a positive, and I don't like that, because I am a grumpy person. This card is about existential despair, about worries and anxieties well into the night and about nightmares, that's what makes it so applicable. It's about being haunted: by the past, by possibles futures, by our own head.
I don't think I'll ever stop being haunted. My ever-present ghost is my eventual death. When other things don't keep me up at night, this does. I'm not excited by the idea of immortality, I think this world is too painful to desire staying forever. (Old age has nothing to do with this sentiment, it's more about the suffering pilling up.) But even though I believe it is a good thing, I'm still scared of death. Anxious even. But I don't want that anxiety to go away.
That's why I like this card. It reminds me of death, and the ten of sword shows that to be inevitable.
I don't believe that there is anything after death. And I have never believed in the idea that we live on through the memories of others. A memory of a person is not the same as a person. But before I died, I would like to be important for some people, and that those people are important to me as well. I don't want to die where I currently am. Of course, I don't get to decide that, but at least it's a goal.

hey, thank you for sharing, sorry for not responding but i was kinda overwhelmed the past couple days

it is okay to be afraid of death. i am about to be a big dork and make an oblique game reference: as lloyd said, the fact that you're afraid of death means you're enjoying life! maybe not as much as you may like, but you're enjoying it. the pain is worth it. keep on grabbing that rose by the stem.

it is also okay to be negative. death sucks. i am thoroughly unexcited to be dead because there's so much more life for me to do. twain can be all 'i didn't complain before i was born' and like yeah of course you didn't, you didn't know how powerful living could feel. you don't have to act like your death is some great mystery of the cosmos, that this is the best of all possible worlds or whatever

and if it helps, you're important to me and i'm always glad when you comment on my posts. thank you for being here, qui.

Your comment warmed my heart. Thank you very much.
I want to specify that while I do keep an anxiety toward death, I am in a safe place, I plan to keep living for as long as I can.

Again, thank you. I'm touched.

in reply to @oriananonexistent's post:

it is an accidentally ecosexual twine game about making people do weird sex things as part of a ritual to allow them to do other weird sex things (on a particularly magic night, people get to do a ritual to create a sex spell, and part of the ritual is that they have to experience someone else's sex spell. you are the one in charge of deciding who gets which spell)

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