did you find me in a fairy circle, ringed by amantia, red and white heralding the meeting place of your mundane life and my grandiose elysian paradise? do you look at me and see impossibility, ineffability, someone who cannot be questioned because the answers do not belong to this world? and does your heart pledge to protect my ferngully home in the name of a beauty that brings you so much comfort?
or did you watch me descend from heaven? did you see the halos and heralds and stairs of light? when my feet stepped upon your soil, did you weep? does your mind race like cooped up doves as you await the proclamation of the god whose words you know perfectly? do you conceal a knife in the bouquet, waiting to determine if this prophet can prophesy to your strict standards?
i promise you that i came from neither of these places. i was shoved headfirst through a pile of flesh just like you. i am nothing but a human. no fairy, no angel, no machine, no devil, no legion. and many of you will say you believe me, and perhaps you think you do, but i do not, cannot believe you in turn.
this is why i must become grander than myself. if these ethereal robes are to be draped upon me, i will choose which robes i wear for myself. this is why, at least in part, i call myself a cloud - a cloud that obscures the heavens so often assumed to be perfect, a fog weaving through haunted forests, the rain that brings the sprouts you've cultivated in your garden.
and when the dichotomies and hierarchies are left to rot, when the expectations we hang on ourselves and others collapse, when humans are allowed to simply be human, i can be human again.
but given the choice, i guess i'd appreciate you thinking of me in the fairy circle. just think deep about why you want that.