Architecture is slow moving, it's something people live in- it inspires culture, film, cinema, and allows a substrate for people's lives to grow within. it influences who you encounter, how you encounter them and provides emotional or logistical context, and the best kinds of architecture recognize & play with this in a transformative way.
for a long time I saw myself as many things, a director, a journalist, a producer. In the totality of my lived experiences so far I have deeply neglected what I was fond of and looked forward to being in my youth, which also got me into games.
I wanted to grow into an Architect, and level design was the first game discipline that clicked for me once I knew I could shape spaces.
(side note: my later forays into 3D art would ultimately be a result of a level editing quirk where the engine's ability to invert sectors could double as crude extrusion for object creation. plus, the industry pivot towards 'level design isn't real! only modellers make stuff now! level design is just a place to sit assets! a trend which would, ironically, invert itself later.)
see, Architecture fascinated me- as it's something that can both exist in fantasy (great never-buildings of inhuman proportions, seen only in drawings or film) and in real life (remarkable achievements of engineering for the sake of human expression and utility)
I grew up in the woods, and as someone who grew up in the woods, the idea of urban spaces utterly fascinated me, this artificial terrain, this unseen verticality inaccessible to me as someone who lived in lowland clay ravines.
as I have grown and progressed both in my experiences or abilities, I have realized that I fundamentally root all of my designs, ideas, and the ways in which I engage with groups of people through the lens of architecture. I create flows that achieve meaning, I connect people who would create meaningful moments, I frame the shot with blocking done so with obstacles. spiritually, I am a sort of beaver- making aimless wetlands that later serve as a firebreak and an oasis which life, expression, joy finds a way to thrive for all that call it home or travel through.
this lack of unified clarity (not that it is necessary to have unitary purpose, we're always changing) has troubled me- each new chunk of myself I discover has given me (albeit temporary) purpose which drives me to great endeavors that do not last. I viewed this as a sort of flaw, or failure- not realizing it was a feature and an indication I was not in touch with the greater pattern of how I engage the world.
one reason I do not wish to engage with trivial social engagements the way we're utterly forced into (for many reasons) is at the great banquet of socialized stimuli, I think I have lost touch with the reasons I came here. I'm full and my tummy hurts, what I need is to turn inwards, digest, reflect on what I've taken in the way I used to when I knew very little and was so hungry, eager for more.
I must convert this sustenance, these experiences into energy to make something greater than myself for myself and others.
time to hit the gym, so to speak
