earlier this month i failed to get yet another job that i was highly qualified for. i really don't know what to do anymore. i've been programming for over a decade, i've released over a dozen games, i have a broad set of useful skills in a variety of fields, and there's just nothing out there for me. i apply for every job i'm qualified for, i usually get one, sometimes multiple interviews, and then they pass on me. i'm 100% convinced my gender is too weird for people to hire me.
when you're trans, even cis people who aren't explicitly terfs just feel uncomfortable around you. they don't want to admit that they're transphobic, so they refuse to interrogate why they didn't like talking to me. it feels bad to be rebuked over and over again for no reason other than being myself. i keep thinking about this liz ryerson tweet every time i check my bank account. trans people are broke so cis people can keep feeling comfortable and never have to confront their fears and bigotry.
the other day i was out with some friends and i had to listen to an acquaintance talk about his new job, which was one i'd applied for and gotten rejected from after two interviews (he did not realize this). he talked about how he didn't know what he was doing and he felt underqualified and was doing a lot of learning. he described his new job responsibilities and they were all things i was good at. they were all things that were on my resume and in my portfolio and that i talked about in my interview. it's hard to feel like it's about anything other than that he's a bearded white cis dude that made the interviewers comfortable and i'm a transgender weirdo with a voice and face that doesn't match my name and pronouns.
i'm selling more of my stuff on ebay but that money isn't coming in for a little bit. i'm trying to hustle to get this game that i'm working on available for people to buy but that's also a ways away. if you can spare anything, send it to my ko-fi page, it's greatly appreciated.
