Night has long since fallen on our camp when I finally get the chance to join Tanaya by the fire. The fumes of the roasting meat, slowly turning above the flames, smell divine. But she’s only absentmindedly taking care of the food. She's reading something on her holopad, looking deep in thought.
I attempt to sit down without a sound, hoping not to distract her. It’s a fruitless effort.
“Oh, look who’s finally showed up.”, she says, not even raising her eyes. “Hey, I've got a question for ya... what do you think we’re here for?”
“That’s... Err... That's one hell of a question to answer out of the blue. Did that come from what you’re reading?“
I didn’t have much interest in relics from the past. What wisdom could we gain from those who left us to deal with a ravaged planet? If the seasons are finally returning to normal, it’s certainly not thanks to them.
But Tanaya has always had a curious mind, and I’m certainly not one to hamper that.
“Yeah", she replies after some reflection. "Well, kinda. See, it’s about a game from that era - and I know what you’re thinking. How carefree their lives must have been, to want to preserve this in writing, right?"
She saw right through me. She flashes a knowing smirk before continuing.
"Still, something about this one seems interesting! Says here that it’s all about perspective, right? Showing the world from weird angles and all, for example. But the next bit here is what got me thinking. It mentions the game's story featured different perspectives on the purpose of life. That's one of its central themes! Ah, and it’s also set in a far-off future, that way it’s possible to take a look at the topic through a different lens.“
“Cute. Sort of like what you’re doing now, right”? I smile at her. She gives a small smile back, but...
“I guess. I don't know if this is accurate at all to the world back then. Seems like they explored answers to that question through entertainment, war, religion, communities... Never finding each wholly satisfying. I guess I never really took the time to think about it before. And now that I do, I can't come up with an answer either.”
“If someone had the answer, I guess we’d know about it by now”, is all I can say. “Life keeps us busy. We have to stay on our toes. If the alternative is dying, it's not like there’s much of a choice.”
“Hmm."
She isn't satisfied with my answer. But nothing more insightful comes to my mind, so I leave it at that. We just let the topic hang in the air a little, taking in the sight of tonight's feast. Suddenly, Tanaya speaks up anew.
"Sounds like the director for the series particularly dislikes violence.”
“That so?”
“Yeah... in much of his work, the act of killing is made to be unsatisfying. It's conveyed through clunky game mechanics, or unsettling music, for example. Not this time around though. Whoever wrote this legitimately enjoyed it, with particular praise given to the soundtrack. But writing alone allows this unease to creep back in. Here, take a look at this.“
I glance at the screen she holds in her hand. She highlights an important-looking section, all written in italics.
Isn’t it convenient that the factions at war here are essentially the same? The senselessness of Automata’s war between the two isn’t much of a surprise. I could feel it, even early on, from its people and their stories.
But when the cards were laid on the table, even though I was right, I could not simply move on to the next objective with a sense of smug self-satisfaction.
I thought about the situation for a while, letting scattered thoughts pile up within me. The world's emptiness took up more and more space until it felt almost tangible. These people suffer the ravages of war for what they believe is a greater purpose... But this greater purpose only exists to shoulder the pain.
It’s so illogical. It's so human.
The hurt on all sides, the lives lost, and the stories abruptly ended. Is there anything worse than a war with no villain, than violence when peace is an option? Doesn’t it make your stomach turn? When everyone is in the same boat, yet we still manage to turn against one another. Why is it so easy to isolate, to hurt, rather than coexist and work together for a better world?
To describe NieR Automata in a word, I wouldn’t use “clever”, or “subtle”, necessarily. But it is thought-provoking. It’s a game that brings up topics worth reflecting on, never following through to a tidy conclusion.
So you get to face your feelings on your own.
"And that’s what I’ve been thinking about”, she whispers a good minute after I stopped reading. I'm not sure what to make of it. As I expected, this just reads like these people had too much time on their hands.
You do what you can to stay alive. I need to live to make sure Tanaya does as well. There is nothing to gain by complicating things further.
Right?
She gazes at the pale moon above, her breathing unnaturally shallow. Who knows how long she’s been thinking about this? It can't be good for her.
“Hey,” I say, giving her a light tap on her shoulder. “I think dinner’s ready by now”.
A glance at the meat’s lightly burnt skin is enough to snap her out of it. She removes it from the fire and returns with two plates in tow. A liver for her, an intestine for me.
It’s a beautiful night, the stars shine brightly above, and the campfire is comforting amid chilly autumnal winds. The food is cooked just the way I like it too.
And yet... the flesh of our enemies has an oddly bitter taste tonight.
I pray the feeling away as I take another bite.
