GAME: Don't remember so let's just say this is from Uncharted 4: A Thief's End
CHARACTER NAME: Nathan Drake
It's been a little while since the last episode of Porno Dinnertime, so let's all tie a comically-oversized bib around our necks, take up our forks and our knives, and dig right in!
This one is really sublime. A true standout of the genre. Other porno dinner tables might try to overwhelm you with sheer quantity, but as in free jazz, sometimes the REAL impact is in the notes you DON'T play. Or, in this case, in the food you don't serve. The starkness of the tableau really forces one to consider every individual element.
Let's start with the obvious: the uncomfortably girthsome hard-shell tacos. Christ, just look at those fuckers. What the fuck is even IN those things? Are they stuffed with GUMBO? The fact that the filling isn't pouring out of the half-eaten tacos makes me think it must be completely cold and congealed, the thought of which is making me want to puke my guts out. I don't WANT to contemplate the experience of eating these tacos, but I AM, because I am a martyr for my art.
Don't think I've forgotten about this table's OTHER outrage: that of the single stainless-steel fork positioned insouciantly next to plates bearing possibly the world's most famous finger food. This actually pisses me off - it's not like the model of this featureless white table came with those forks pre-baked into the geometry. The developer, having already made the decision to make those poor tacos pregnant with borscht, made the followup decision to add insult to injury by giving each character a giant fucking fork. Fuck you.
One aspect I do love is the unsettling grey Velma-ass character's meal. No taco for her - she'll have a plateful of unidentifiable slop, thank you! Not that she'll eat it, of course. She's too busy staring blankly at the table's centerpiece: a single half-bloomed flower that looks as though it was rendered by a child in some kind of VR painting program.
That's your portion of Porno Dinnertime! Tune in sometime in the next six months for something even worse!
