Kind of an r/antiwork tier vent but Christ I've had a long, difficult week (the Amazon returns made us all PAY for taking off Labor Day) and I'm just so tired
I'll have to come in about 30 minutes early tomorrow because a dude came in at 5:00 with a $300 pack and ship job of what seems to be everything that wasn't bolted to the floor of his office. Between when he came in at 5:00 and when I locked the door at 6:30 I did not even have 5 minutes to begin looking at the 75 pounds of shit I need to pack. It was only after we locked the doors that I was able to dump it all out on the workstation table and feel myself giving up. Luckily my boss is... cool? And agreed to add 30 minutes to next week's paycheck (he gives us all our paychecks on Friday even if we work Saturday, which is kinda neat at least). Sorta fucked up that I feel obligated to say my boss is "one of the good ones" because he... agrees to pay me for the labor that I do. Haha, we live in a very normal society.
I get paid about $100 a day. It's kind of horrific to break down my paycheck like that. All my useful, waking hours, almost every day, every week, for over a year at this job now, for $100. It's fucking insane, really. And to think I'm lucky, according to my employers I'm one of the highest paid staff at this store... That doesn't really make me feel better the way they think it does.
I'll need to go back to school soon, I suppose. Somewhere local, or online. In-state, so tuition is cheap. My parents have agreed to help pay, because despite giving up all of my waking hours, most days of the week, every single week, I don't really have a savings to speak of. It just kind of fluctuates around $1,000 or so at any given time before some unexpected expense hits. Even the idea of going back to school is scary. As if the first time wasn't enough, haha. But you need some form of higher education to be taken seriously in the job market. I still remember being between jobs, just seething at the state of the current job "market," how it's all just websites that will automatically filter out your application without ever fucking telling you, so you submit hundreds of applications and never get a callback on a single one of them and the listing stays up for months and months because none of the applicants have passed all the checkmarks to let the HR person get a ding on their computer, so as far as they're concerned nobody has applied yet, and then you'll even get unsolicited job offers on these platforms from just the worst, scummiest companies imaginable. Genuinely while applying I got an offer to go work at a Metro by T-Mobile store in Dallas, Texas. After I'd just been fired from a Metro store in my own town for refusing to be a snake oil salesman, my firing which was listed on my resume on the website this other store was reaching out to me through. I think I'd rather die, thanks.
But that's how it is these days isn't it? Debase yourself and your morals or don't make money. Go to school and get a piece of paper or don't make money. You're not a real human being of any sort of value unless you do these things. If you haven't done these things you do not Deserve To Live.
Going back to school, while also having to continue holding down a job. I'd have genuinely zero time left to be a person. For what, four years? Oh yeah. That'll be fun. But you can't complain about that, because everyone else has to do it too. Yeah. That's a valid argument. You're getting stabbed in the nuts by capitalists but don't you raise a fuss about it you little entitled brat, I had my balls stabbed by the capitalists decades ago and I survived, so shut the fuck up and grit your teeth and bear it.
I'm gonna have to be stoned to make it through tomorrow. I have not had a good week and I am not thinking Positive Thoughts.
I did watch The Runaway Bride tonight while eating shitty pizza though (reminded myself why I don't like Little Ceaser's, eugh) and it made me smile a little. Very fun, fast-paced romp. Took my mind off my exhausting life for an hour.